So here I sit in front of my computer trying to figure out what I am going to write about for tomorrow’s post. Sometimes the hardest part isn’t coming up with something to write about, it’s trying to determine which of the ideas I have is actually worth writing about. I know – poor me boohoo.

Some of you might remember that I have never learned how to watercolor so I thought I would give it a shot … and I had terrible results. I have been practising and I think I’ve gotten better (and by better I mean barely coma-inducing retinal burning hilarious terrible garbage). There is definitely a post there -

Can you say Cezanne?

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But that’s a post for a different day.

I also have about a million things on my house that I am working on and I spent almost all day Saturday climbing around in my trees cutting off branches and just about fell out – but I have crazy monkey-type skills. Did you know that if you are in proportion to yourself, the length from one fingertip to the opposite hands fingertip is how tall you should be? Totally true. Part of the reason I am so good at climbing trees is that I practice despite being 6′-1″ tall, my wingspan is almost 6′-8″ long. (Yes, I can scratch my kneecaps without bending over, why do you ask?)

The front of my home

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Also not writing about that today.

Coming up during the beginning part of September, I am going on a trip to New York City as a guest of Brizo and I will get to take part in several fun activities. I have only been to New York once before in my life and that was (…looking around nervously, thinking … nobody reads this blog, don’t worry about it…) when I marched in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade playing the *GASP* xylophone. And yes, I played “The Turkey in the Straw” about a billion times. If I hear that song now I drop to the floor in a fetal position and start clawing at my neck.

To be brutally honest, I am almost ready to drop back down into my instinctive protective position just like Buster Bluth at the very idea that I am going to go to New York City, hang out with real designers and other architects where my complete and utter stupidity and tom-foolery will no doubt be frowned upon. Do I need to mention that I still get my clothes from the Sears “Big Boy” department? Most people can get by on charm and sparkling witty party banter – something I am terrible at … I am either “on” and all the attention is on me and I go into story-telling mode and drink too much, or I am “off” and braces somehow magically appear back on my teeth – just like high school all over again. Unless I can grow a few inches taller and get my bench press up over 90 lbs, I am in trouble.

How I look to my wife

How I look to everyone else

Did I mention part of the activities in New York includes attending the runway show for Fashion person Jason Wu? Who? That’s what I said until I looked him up. You know who wears his clothes? Only the First Lady – Michelle Obama. ohcrap ohcrap ohcrap ohcrap ohcrap ohcrap ohcrap ohcrap. I set an appointment to get new glasses for the event. Not that I need … okay, yes I do … but I haven’t gotten new glasses in like 5 years and mine have been broken and repaired at Lenscrafters so many times I think I’m on a first name basis with them:

Me: Hi Lens, how are you doing? Just here for a patch job … again, haa haa…

Lens: Are you ever going to buy a pair of glasses from us you cheap jerk?

Normally I don’t care that much what I look like – I’m not a pig and I’m not 5′-2″ and 250 lbs – but I have surrounded myself with people that are like me, or just slightly worse than me (sorry soon to be ex-friends) so I am not used to being exposed – not really.

Yes – I am in a bind because I don’t have the ability to focus in on a single topic and get something going. There is a writing exercise where you start with a blank piece of paper and just see what comes out so that is what I thought I would try for this post. I think it’s a crap process and clearly I should stick with drinking heavily – it seemed to be working out pretty good.

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