My Secret life as a “Hooker-Architect”

23 Apr 2010

I’m not proud to admit that I’ve sold myself cheaply before but I need to admit the truth so that I can move on with my recovery.

scene: standing room only crowd but since nobody is wearing black or heavy-framed glasses, I don’t recognize anyone

Moderator: Is there anyone new here tonight that would like to share?

Me: Hi everyone, my name is Bob….and I am a hooker-architect.

Group : (unenthusiastically and in monotone) Hi Bob, welcome.

Me: Well, I guess it all started when I graduated from college back in 1992. You know, the economy wasn’t all that great back then either and despite my unvalidated high opinion of myself, there wasn’t a line of employment suitors waiting for me.

Group: (grumbling, nodding heads in agreement while looking at the floor)

Me: I actually got my first job because my Mom knew someone who new someone who needed some help. I met with the guy – he was currently working out of a closet in his house – and he sorta interviewed me at fast food restaurant. He designed retail spaces and was almost exactly 10 years older than me. I had one studio in school where we had a retail project – I hated it – it was my least favorite studio but the teacher really seemed to like me, maybe more than he should have (wink, wink). Based on the personal relationship I developed with this teacher, I did very well in this studio.

Group: (murmuring to each other) – did he just say what I think he did?

Me: I knew what he wanted so I gave it to him….an all black store full of spacial experiences that focused on..(swallows loudly)…china. I didn’t want to do a store that sold plates and that Lladro figurine crap but he was soooo into it. I suppose this was the first time I realized what I was capable of doing. I was okay doing a job I didn’t want just to make someone else happy so that I could benefit.

Group: That’s were it starts – in the schools!

Moderator: (standing and waving arms) Everyone settle down! Please…continue.

Me: Ahh..Uhm…so anyways, during this time I learned all sorts of ‘tricks’ – stuff the “clients” pay extra for. I became skilled in the art of metal studs and drywall, custom cabinetry, luxurious finishes, cantilevered soffits and storefront systems that don’t have to keep water out. We’ve all been to these places before! Malls!…Architectural sin is peddled everywhere, strangers are lurking in entryways hawking their goods and services, trying to get you to come in with a promise of getting something “special”.

Group: That is disgusting…..We’re here for you brother!

Me: I was a part of this world for years until I met a special woman who pulled me out…Michelle (sigh)….I thought she had saved my life and that I could go back to just being an architect. And she did, but only for awhile.

Group: There are always setbacks on the road to recovery Brother, we’ve all been there! You can beat this!

Me: But there have been other jobs I’ve taken – usually for the money….sweet, sweet money….I know that I should turn down jobs where the clients wants to cut down a tree, or when they aren’t interested in being carbon neutral. I know this! I….(breaking down sobbing – whispering) I can’t go on….can I stop here for tonight?

Moderator: (whispering in my ear, arm around my shoulders) You did great. (loudly) Let’s give our new friend a warm welcome during coffee and donuts after we’re done here. Anyone else want to share this evening?

New person: Hi everyone, my name is Ted………….and I do multi-family.

Outdoor Showers

Giant Leopard Moth

Oh Crap ... Now what?

By: Bob Borson Category: Career, Life in General

http://twitter.com/ExtremelyAvg Brian D. Meeks

That was fantastic, especially the very end. “my name is Ted…I do multi-family”. I’m not an architect, but I still found it very funny.
- http://twitter.com/ExtremelyAvg Brian D. Meeks
  
  I just realized I’ve been here before and chuckled. Double posting is a sure sign of old age.
http://twitter.com/RigginsConst Riggins Construction

I hate to say how funny this is but I realize you’re expressing the heartache of the artist commercial sellout.
- http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson
  
  Suprising that I could write this considering I haven’t had the opportunity to become a sellout yet. (fingers crossed!!)
bobborson

Johnna – if I remember correctly, don't you live in an Eichler or some other awesome classic? For what it's worth, most design architects like clients who push, it's really more fun and typically results in a better product than when client hads us a blank check and a whatever you want attitude.
At least it's more fun as long as the clients are fun!
justjohnna

Oh, so funny!

My husband and I, and trying to find an architectural solution that suits both of us, may be pushing our architect away from her best work—but the result will be so much better than our best architect-less ideas.
http://themotherofall.blogspot.com justJohnna

Oh, so funny!

My husband and I, and trying to find an architectural solution that suits both of us, may be pushing our architect away from her best work—but the result will be so much better than our best architect-less ideas.
http://www.lewism.org/ lewism

I think it was Philip Johnson who said we were all 'high class whores' but your description is a bit more street corner….a bit more realistic. Admitting your problem is the first step on the road to recovery right?
- http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson
  
  Lewis,
  I do believe you are correct that admitting is the first step (so I’ve been told – the rest is very secret and I’m not allowed to talk about it until step 7). There was a reason I chose the word ‘hooker’ over prostitute or whore – it’s seems more working class.
  
  Thanks for commenting.
http://blog.buildllc.com Andrew

I just about peed my pants this is so funny. Great idea.
- http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson
  
  Thanks,
  Although it doesn’t really hold a candle to the Couch Cushion Architecture; A Critical Analysis – my favorite post so far this year. You guys are awesome, I really appreciate you stopping by to read my posts.
http://extremelyaverage.com Brian Meeks

Larry,

SL is doing pretty well, but admittedly, that job was back in 2007, and I have not done much there of late. There have been much larger projects though, the Sheep did the CBS builds, and I think their budget was around 5 million. It would be interesting to see what you real designers would do in a space without gravity.

My point was more that I really like architecture, love photographing great buildings, and that I guess I am basically really jealous of all of you real Architects, who do it for real….regardless of the type of work you are doing.

Brian
http://extremelyaverage.com/ Brian Meeks

Larry,

SL is doing pretty well, but admittedly, that job was back in 2007, and I have not done much there of late. There have been much larger projects though, the Sheep did the CBS builds, and I think their budget was around 5 million. It would be interesting to see what you real designers would do in a space without gravity.

My point was more that I really like architecture, love photographing great buildings, and that I guess I am basically really jealous of all of you real Architects, who do it for real….regardless of the type of work you are doing.

Brian
http://www.linkedin.com/in/lbloom Larry Bloom

You’re kidding…$97,000???? I didn’t SL was still around and nothing more than a place for virtual porn shops.
Anyway, love the blog. I, too, have been an archihooker. I sold my services for a house “design.” I thought it would be an easy “trick.” At first, I thought though he wouldn’t ask for much. He showed me a picture of what he wanted, but I thought they were beneath me. I showed him what I could do, and he just kept asking for more. Turned out he wanted the works, but I only budget for a quickie. He also acted as his own contractor, and knew the business somewhat. He never paid me for the whole thing, so I told him he finish himself. I find pictures on the internet every now and then. It’s an interesting feeling; seeing something you did posted on some strange website. Guess it’s a lesson I’ll have to live with.
Thanks for sharing. I’ll bring the snacks to the next meeting.
- http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson
  
  Larry,
  Your description really does sound nasty, like real life hooking! I feel like I need a shower after having read it.
  
  Thanks.
http://www.linkedin.com/in/lbloom Larry Bloom

You’re kidding…$97,000???? I didn’t SL was still around and nothing more than a place for virtual porn shops.
Anyway, love the blog. I, too, have been an archihooker. I sold my services for a house “design.” I thought it would be an easy “trick.” At first, I thought though he wouldn’t ask for much. He showed me a picture of what he wanted, but I thought they were beneath me. I showed him what I could do, and he just kept asking for more. Turned out he wanted the works, but I only budget for a quickie. He also acted as his own contractor, and knew the business somewhat. He never paid me for the whole thing, so I told him he finish himself. I find pictures on the internet every now and then. It’s an interesting feeling; seeing something you did posted on some strange website. Guess it’s a lesson I’ll have to live with.
Thanks for sharing. I’ll bring the snacks to the next meeting.
- http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com/ Bob Borson
  
  Larry,
  Your description really does sound nasty, like real life hooking! I feel like I need a shower after having read it.
  
  Thanks.
http://extremelyaverage.com Brian Meeks

I am not an architect, as one needs to get lots of book learning for that work. I did spend 3 years designing wonderful buildings in the virtual world of Second Life. It was a delight. The clients were flexible, and we don’t have to worry about building codes and that pesky gravity. I can’t imagine doing it for real, and since one can’t really do floating buildings in RL (real life) I am no sure I would want to. I loved your article and I think that you are probably doing just fine, even if you don’t think so.

If you ever get a desire to stretch your creative legs, just give a virtual world a try. My best job paid $97,000, so it can be lucrative too.
http://extremelyaverage.com/ Brian Meeks

I am not an architect, as one needs to get lots of book learning for that work. I did spend 3 years designing wonderful buildings in the virtual world of Second Life. It was a delight. The clients were flexible, and we don’t have to worry about building codes and that pesky gravity. I can’t imagine doing it for real, and since one can’t really do floating buildings in RL (real life) I am no sure I would want to. I loved your article and I think that you are probably doing just fine, even if you don’t think so.

If you ever get a desire to stretch your creative legs, just give a virtual world a try. My best job paid $97,000, so it can be lucrative too.
http://www.concretedetail.com/blog Rich Holschuh

Darn, you saw right through my thinly veiled riposte. HA – it was worth it! Loved the post.
http://www.concretedetail.com/blog Rich Holschuh

Darn, you saw right through my thinly veiled riposte. HA – it was worth it! Loved the post.
http://www.whiterockkitchens.com Mike

Hey Bob!

I’ve got to eat! If you insist on having an ugly kitchen, I’m your man.

“You say your parents were junk dealers? And you want all these different door styles and finishes because it will remind you of the home of your youth? Wonderful! Let me show you what I can do for you!”

I believe that it is the fairly continuous flow of mundane projects that allow us to get to the projects we enjoy and are proud of participating in.
http://www.whiterockkitchens.com/ Mike

Hey Bob!

I’ve got to eat! If you insist on having an ugly kitchen, I’m your man.

“You say your parents were junk dealers? And you want all these different door styles and finishes because it will remind you of the home of your youth? Wonderful! Let me show you what I can do for you!”

I believe that it is the fairly continuous flow of mundane projects that allow us to get to the projects we enjoy and are proud of participating in.
http://www.concretedetail.com/blog Rich Holschuh

Too much information! But I appreciate your candor, much less self-effacement; your desire for positive change (and blog hits) is admirable. I can only applaud your humanity and your willingness to pursue the elusive will o’ the wisp of psychic betterment (12 steps at a time).

Here’s to fantastic post titles and journalistic chutzpah!!!
- http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson
  
  Rich,
  
  To be honest, I debated on the title for a long time. Other than the now inevitable flood of spam and undesirable p*rn seekers I am sure to get, not sure that it will be worth it. Since it really has to do with giving my artistic side a voice without having to feel the guilt at the same time I feel happy. If I was more clever (or had a better vocabulary) I might have been able to use a more suitable descriptive word – (but I think you still called me a sell-out)
http://www.concretedetail.com/blog Rich Holschuh

Too much information! But I appreciate your candor, much less self-effacement; your desire for positive change (and blog hits) is admirable. I can only applaud your humanity and your willingness to pursue the elusive will o’ the wisp of psychic betterment (12 steps at a time).

Here’s to fantastic post titles and journalistic chutzpah!!!
- http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com/ Bob Borson
  
  Rich,
  
  To be honest, I debated on the title for a long time. Other than the now inevitable flood of spam and undesirable p*rn seekers I am sure to get, not sure that it will be worth it. Since it really has to do with giving my artistic side a voice without having to feel the guilt at the same time I feel happy. If I was more clever (or had a better vocabulary) I might have been able to use a more suitable descriptive word – (but I think you still called me a sell-out)

My Secret life as a “Hooker-Architect”

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