Exactly 1 year, 3 months and 23 days ago, I introduced the Life of an Architect world to my Master Shower (i.e. – the shower in my own bath room). Yes, it was 480 days ago that I pointed out that my shower was in need of help but that I was on the case and the big things were going to happen! (By “big things” I mean absolutely nothing has happened. Well, that’s not entirely true … before – and I quote):

So those are all the obvious issues that need to be addressed in some form but despite them, or maybe it’s because of them, I still like the space …

Okay, so fast forward 480 days – I don’t still like the space. In fact, I am growing weary of the space because despite the “I like to party naked for everyone to see” vibe that exists in this shower, the silliness of this room has finally broken my architectural spirit. So today, I am going to revisit this shower as a reminder of all the problems that exist here and since I got a new wide angle camera lens, I can better document the peculiarities of this “shower” a little bit better than before. Let’s begin!

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This is the shower … basically an 8′ x 8′ room with a depressed slab for a tub, an electrical pendant light fixture (aka “heat lamp”), a non-functioning tub spigot, exposed rough cedar beams and wood ceilings, 3 sets of sliding glass doors (that’s right, I said three!) two of which are sized for either small children or starving third world refugees. Did I mention that there was a lot of brown mosaic tile?? Oh yeah, except for the “Builders Home Special (BHS) 12″x12″ tile set on the diagonal where there was a leak during the previous owners occupation. Don’t worry about the 1/2″ gap at the bottom of the BHS tile … I applied a tube of silicon that sealed that gap right when we moved in.

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I sketched this room section when I initially introduced my shower to everyone last year – but it only hints at the “WTH” factor that is going on here.

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So, if you don’t read plans that’s okay … basically this is an enlarged plan view of my master bathroom. I know it looks confusing, that was sort of my point – because it is confusing. See all the dashed lines? Those are wood beams that would be above your head when you are standing in the shower. You can also see where the 3 pairs of sliding doors are located – one to the outside (yes, I said outside), one to the vanity area, and one to the toilet.

Toilet?!?

Yes, toilet. Because we all know that men will get out of the shower when they need to use the toilet right? (I can’t speak for the ladies out there.) If you discover that you need to the facilities in a more meaningful manner, then you just need to finish your shower before you go handle up on that business – there isn’t any need for immediate and direct access to the toilet from within the shower. Tut tut tut tut – there just isn’t so don’t even try to convince me otherwise.

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I don’t think I could have captured the slab drop for the tub, or the size of the room as effectively with a regular camera lens. I did add those towel bars myself and if you’re wondering how those towels stay dry when the shower is running, I can assure you that no water comes within several feet of them at any point. (you know, because the shower is humongous)

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Here is a look at the shower doors from within the shower looking out towards the vanity and toilet. One thing that I still haven’t figured out is why there is privacy glass on the two doors from the shower looking into the house yet the shower door to the outside world is made with clear glass. I’m pretty sure that when this post goes out, if you were to go to Wikipedia and look up “WTH” this obvious lack of logic will now become the gold standard.

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Remember earlier how I said the stupid awesome shower doors were sized for children? That’s because when they are in their fully opened position, you get a whopping 19″ clear … which means all but the tiniest of people have to slide through this door sideways to get in. But wait! It get’s even better!! If you look at the tape measure over towards the 1″ mark, please note that the wall just before the door is made out of rough cedar boards. That means when I, in my normal sleep depraved condition, stagger into the shower just moments after waking up, I can look forward to a hip full of splinters … at least, let’s hope that’s the only place where those splinters end up going.

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That would be the “non-privacy” glass door to the outside world – “Hey neighbors!! What’s up!! [insert numerous obvious jokes here]

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Note to Privacy Glass: You are on the wrong doors!!

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I do like glass mosaic walls and to be completely honest, I used to really like these as mosaic walls as well. But f or some reason I got into my head that this is what Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal probably looks like and now it’sall I see.

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And the last picture to share with you today….? Ye Olde Tub Spigot. It doesn’t work. It is corroded. It stabs me in the back of my leg constantly when I am standing under the shower head. I tracked down the original architect who designed this house and asked him about this tub filler. He told me that it was salvaged from a boat …….. of course it was. Why wouldn’t it be?

I had thought that this whole cinnamon toasty crunchy mess would have been dealt with by now but that hasn’t happened. I know that when the time comes, this update and fix won’t be cheap, and like every architect I know, I will wait until I can do it right instead of tackling it in little bites, regardless of how delicious those little bites might be. In the meantime, party at my house!!*

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* bring your own loofah for admittance

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