In what could clearly be billed as a Battle Royal, I present Architects vs. Hippies in a death cage match pitting two classic stereotypes. Who will win? Will there even be a winner?
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Personal Grooming – Architect
- generally accepted as well-groomed.
- personal aroma is typically a mixture of stale coffee with the slightly detectable scent of Aveda hair care products.
- hair generally worn in gender specific styles appropriate for the current timeline.
Personal Grooming – Hippie
- what grooming?
- At the very core of most hippies is an absolute disdain for man-made products that smell nice, with most hippies preferring to create their own personal aroma brand featuring: musky body odor, the natural earthy goodness of dirt, patchouli, licorice and “herb”.
- hair generally worn in gender confusing styles but almost always worn au naturel with “tangly” or “clumpy” style being the most common.
Advantage …… Architect
Economic Status – Architect
- Well educated so you would think that an enviable economic status would be guaranteed – but you would be wrong
- If unemployed, monetary status is desperate due to lack of incoming funds combined with debts including sizable student loans, mortgage payments, and Starbucks addiction
Economic Status – Hippie
- Education status undetermined (really could go either way – not that it matters), therefore economic status can fluctuate widely with main determining factors including whether or not the Grateful Dead is touring.
- Typically has no debt due to lifestyle patterns including; crashing at someone else’s place, not having to buy clothing because they will wear the same outfit they found behind the port-o-let at “the show”, and have meager aspirations for material items
Advantage …… Hippie
Oratory Skills – Architect
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able to stand up in front of a group of people and articulate ethereal concepts and matters of opinion with relative ease
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uses multi-sylabic words of such specificity that only other architects can actually understand their meaning
Oratory Skills – Hippie
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recreational activities have rendered vocabulary into a series of endless run-on sentences that use the phrase “hey man” at several points within the same sentence
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extremely adept at using the word “dude” as a noun, adverb, adjective, as a question, and to make declarative statements
Advantage …… Architect
The Environment – Architect
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talks about being carbon neutral while theorizing on sustainable strategies and techniques
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will try to talk the client out of cutting down trees on the project site despite the peril of losing project and client
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experiences routine and convenient moments of sustainable “black holes” and continues to buy products and services from large box retailers
The Environment – Hippie
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actually lives carbon neutral
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re-purposes products over and over (and over) again which removes them from the manufacturing-to-landfill life-cycle
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does not support “The Man” in any capacity and therefore does not buy products or services from said Man
Advantage …… Hippie
Spatial Recognition – Architect
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spent considerable amount of higher education to develop highly tuned sense of scale, proportion and order
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has the ability to imagine high level concepts into real-time and scale
Spatial Recognition – Hippie
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can actually see people’s aura – and that is high level spatial recognition
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not only understands alternate states of time, order, and dimension but can spend an extraordinary amount of time explaining them
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has the ability to see things that normal people can’t see – like double rainbows and super-awesome glittery aura glowing type things. And Unicorns.
Advantage …… Hippie
Most Beloved – Architect
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secretly everyone thinks they want to be an architect and will happily tell you all about it at parties
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Architects are commonly used as the protagonist in movies due to their squeaky clean image and imagined modern lifestyle
Most Beloved – Hippie
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nobody really wants to become a hippie because they look like they smell like homemade peanut butter and free love from a stranger (typically another hippie)
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very popular Halloween costume – but the idea of free love is better than the actual practice of free love
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Hippies are also very popular at parties – particularly if other hippies are attending and if they are “holding” *wink*
Advantage …… Architect
Fashion Sense – Architect
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generally play it safe and only wear black (grey is occasionally acceptable if use is limited to laundry day and if they will not actually be seen in public). Bold colors are frowned upon by the establishment
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eyewear too often consists of heavy load bearing frames … which will also be black
Fashion Sense – Hippie
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bold and uninhibited use of color – the hippie is rarely threatened by the idea of mixing primary, secondary, and tertiary colors in the same outfit despite the common retinal burn suffered by others
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Accessories are assembled and worn “higgledy-piggledy” style and are typically home-crafted and made-from found objects like fish bones, electrical wiring, broken glass and bottle caps
Advantage …… Architect
So if I tally everything up the winner is (paddummmmmmmmmmmm ..crash!) THE ARCHITECT!!!! at a score of 4 to 3. Was there ever any doubt who would win? Duh – I do write this blog and I am an architect. I expect to get hammered (hah, get it? hammered? some jokes just write themselves) by hippies and hippie lovers everywhere, but in fairness, I need to point out that the score was close, disappointingly close actually. To think of all of the crap I went through to become an architect when compared to the unbelievable ease in becoming a hippie …. I mean, do you even have to do anything to be a hippie? They seem to (de)evolve by actually not doing anything. Damn hippies … I think they might have actually won this Battle Royal by not winning. Gawd dangit. Hippies are some complicated mofo’s
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