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Say what you mean, mean what you say

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The message today is about taking a deeper and sometimes a second or third look at what appears to be an everyday common object, occurrence, or in my example, a phrase. All of a sudden, something you never really paid much attention to is everywhere and it takes on renewed meaning … maybe you realize that you have been saying it wrong for years. Did other people know you said it wrong and just didn’t tell you? How long have you been saying “supposably” instead of “supposedly”?

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you can't eat your cake and have it too.

Common every day words and phrases – we hear them so often that we know what they mean even if we don’t say them correctly or know why they mean what they have come to mean.

“The proof is in the pudding”

“You can’t have your cake and eat it too”

These are two very common phrases and I bet that I have heard both of them at least once a week for the last several years. I would venture that everyone reading this entry today has heard them as well but have you ever stopped to think about what was actually being said?

“The proof is in the pudding” is not the entire phrase … it is  “the proof of the pudding is in the eating”. The first phrase doesn’t make any sense … what’s “proof” and why is it in pudding? Oh course, once you see the entire phrase it makes a little more sense … if you want proof as to whether or not the pudding is any good, all you have to do is eat it.

How about “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”…? Of course you can have your cake and then eat it, the actual phrase is “you can’t eat your cake and have it” … you know, because of that part when you ate it. Again, everybody says it wrong but we all know what it means.

But now that I’ve pointed it out to you,what will you do next time you hear someone say it incorrectly or incompletely? Will you correct them? Will you start saying it correctly now even though when other people hear it your “new” way, it won’t sit quite right in their heads … like somehow you are the one who just said it wrong. Does it even matter that you’ve said it correctly when people know what you mean?

Words count for something and what you say and how you say it is important … including throwaway phrases. So when I am speaking to someone in any sort of official capacity, I try not to use throwaway phrases for the simple reason that they are throwaway phrases. Do you even hear them anymore?

At the end of the day, all things being equal, there are a ton of these everyday phrases and I try and avoid them like the plague.

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P.S. –

you know how I have mentioned that I write these posts sitting on the couch? Well, sometimes things happen … words get misspelled, sentences run on for ever (because I’m paying attention to what just happened on Boardwalk Empire or House). Normally I can catch and fix these things without you ever knowing they exist thanks to my crack team of proof readers who send me discreet emails pointing out things…

So I typically make all the graphics on my site (as if you couldn’t tell … blushing … you’re too nice). Anyways, I found a typo in the graphic I made for today’s post and barely caught it before this went live but it was just too funny to not include, especially since today’s post was on what you say and how it matters.

Enjoy my mistake, included here because I am a real person who doesn’t sleep enough.

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you can't eat your cake and have it too.

it’s a lot different without the ‘r’ isn’t it?

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  • Third News

    “At the end of the day, all things being equal, there are a ton of these
    everyday phrases and I try and avoid them like the plague.”

    Is this a balatron’s game?

    • That phrase is very much tongue in cheek because it is made up completely of phrases that one should avoid saying.

  • Stacey Stemach

    Here’s another good one most don’t know:
    “The ends justify the means.” Which most people take to mean that you gotta do what you gotta do to get the job done. (We had to tear down half the forest just to build the road to the overlook.)
    Here’s the actual quote:
    “Wisdom denotes the pursuing of the best ends by the best means.”
    I like this much better. Its much more nuanced, and expects the actor to take some consideration into their actions to perform their tasks necessary to achieve the best results. (Lets determine the best route for the road that minimizes damage to the forest and preserves the view so the overlook will be the most successful.)

  • My favorite is “I could care less.”  This is exactly the opposite of what is intended.  Words matter.  A lot.

  • I knew about the pudding one, but thanks for clearing up the cake expression. Wow.  I had no idea.

  • I honestly try not to use clichéd phrases, although I’m sure
    I do from time to time. They have a way of creeping into one’s language,
    whether one wants them there or not. However, I can say absolutely that I would
    never correct anyone who used one of them incorrectly. Or even inappropriately,
    for that matter. One of the things I have learned over the years is that people
    do not want English lessons. I once tried to correct a secretary who was sending
    out letters with basic errors in grammar. These letters necessarily made our
    startup company look like it was run by morons. I was told in no uncertain
    terms that my “interfering” was not to continue! So, hell, maybe it was run by
    morons!

  • Robert Moore

    I’m probably guilty of most of these although I do refrain from “it is what it is” since it is probably  copyrighted by the NFL Coaches Association. I actually don’t worry about grammatical errors much since I live with the Grammar Police.

  • L

    fun post. and yeah, hadn’t thought about the “cake” phrase. strange and lovely how we can say something incorrectly but everyone understand it the way you intended; which doesn’t always happen, does it?

  • Bob, you’ve unleashed a monster. Thanks to you, I’m now an idiomatic snob. Life will never be the same. (P.S. I knew about #1 but not #2).

    • well, if you leave a comment on a obscure blog and use the word “idiomatic” you clearly have other forces at work … don’t blame me 😉

  • Before I abandoned my sanity to start my own business, I started off my career in the financial industry. Middle managers in the realm of finance could quite possibly be the worst offenders of this crippling pandemic. “Let’s go after the low-hanging fruit”, “the devil is in the details”, and “don’t boil the ocean” were some of my favorites, but without a doubt, my favorite cliched phrase is “it is what it is”. 

    Thanks, Einstein. I thought if I squinted my eyes and snarled my nose furiously enough, I could cast a spell upon it in order to make it something that it wasn’t. Disaster averted. We have to acknowledge that these phrases do play an important role. Often, when a conversation reaches an impasse, whether because one party lacks the mental capacity to maintain it at a high level or because of a naturally occurring moment of awkwardness creeps into it, a cliched phrase is great way to kick the can down the road and continue moving forward.

    • If you mean that these phrases play an important role because when someone says them, the entire room does an internal eye roll which allows the speaker to reset than yes, I will agree with you on that point.

      Otherwise, I think we would all benefit by trying to say what we mean without resorting to bumper stickers because just like the light switch on the wall that you expect to see so therefore you brain erases it from view, people stop listening when you start telling them what they expect to hear.

      • So then the trick is to organically infuse a little unexpectedness within the message that is to be conveyed. But query must I to you, how doth one of such humble nature liberate thyself from the bonds of hackneyed expression without a person of ostentatiousness make? 

        Ah, to hell with it all; I’ll just call a spade a spade. At least I will know it is what it is when I talk about it. 

        Thanks for allowing me to humor myself. 

        • To be fair, I use these phrases at times because they do seem to serve a purpose despite my internal struggle to avoid using them. What I have tried to do is make up my own nonsensical phrases that despite being throw-away, they are unusual and as a result, the listener doesn’t automatically ignore them.

          Here is an example – I don’t say “that’s like comparing apples and oranges” but instead I’ll say “that’s like comparing apples and pineapples”. It’s not so much the words but rather the listeners familiarity with them.

          • Or, dare I say, “he’s not the sharpest bulb in the box of crayons?” 

  • At the end of the day, I find myself sitting on the couch and typing up comments to blog posts, but I am doing this today at the crack of dawn. I know, you are already squealing in delight, but just calm down a bit, you’re not the only fish in the blog sea I’m commenting on… oh, I just can’t keep doing this. Happy Holidays to you and yours and may you have… crap, almost did it again… what the heck, throw this entire comment away.

    • it is what it is so for now, I’ll let sleeping dogs lie

  • architectrunnerguy

    And throw in “Cautiously optimistic” (what does that actually mean anyway?), “I know it like the back of my hand” and “Throw under the bus”. And while we’re at it I have an issue with the word “issue” being used in lieu of the word “problem” as in “I have an issue with the paint peeling on my house” or “My tight hamstrings are the issue here”.

    There’s a bunch of phrases that are used wrong everyday. For example, “Building to a crescendo”. Folks, the crescendo IS the buildup.

    But most of all it’s the redundant adjective, like the phrase “free gift” (“Come into our bank, open an account and we’ll give you a free gift”). Others are “residential housing” (“I design residential housing” which I’ve actually heard architects say), “military bomber”, “educational school”, “verbal discussion” (Great, no charades this time)……. and along those same lines I actually heard the local TV news anchor say this last week “The man is entering sleeping womens bedrooms at night and touching them inappropriately”. Is it even possible for a strange man to touch a sleeping woman appropriately in that setting??? I wanted to throw him under the bus!!

    Doug

    • I might be guilty of one or two of those offenses – not the touching inappropriately part (that one is terrible but since I thinks it’s also kinda funny at the same time, I am going to have to up my charity efforts to make up for it).

      Thanks Doug

  • hahaah. You “avoid them like the plague” eh? How often has the plague been after you? Where do you do your best hiding? Anyway, please don’t send me any cake as I don’t want to eat myself!

  • Julie

    I’m on a personal quest to eliminate “at the end of the day” from the American lexicon.  I once sat through a 45 minute meeting where the president of the organization said it no fewer than 12 times.  UGH.

    • some are definitely more annoying than others – particularly so if they are repeated ad nauseum

      A good friend of mine thinks “at the end of the day” and “it is what it is” are the worst offenders in this category of throw-away phrases.

      Cheers

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The complimentary advice provided on ‘Life of an Architect’ is based on an abbreviated examination of the minimal facts given, not the typical extensive (and sometimes exhaustive) analysis I conduct when working with my clients. Therefore, anything you read on this site is not a substitute for actually working with me. Following my casual advice is at your own peril … if you want my undivided attention, I would recommend hiring me. Cheers.

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