Me: Hey Internet! What’s up? You know, you and I never talk anymore even though we see each other like ALL the time.
Internet: Yeah, I know what you mean, I’ve been really busy doing stuff.
Me: Man…we’ve been friends a long time haven’t we? I think we first met back in the Spring of 1995 when I was working for Urban Architecture. Do you remember that? Wow, those were some wild times – I can still remember all the crazy websites you used to show me, (winking) some of which you were way to young to be showing me.
Internet: Totally! I still remember your favorite website – www.lacyunderwea
Me: (quickly interrupting) Hey, Hey, Hey – no need to ..ha!…that was a long..wow…Ha! dig up all that old foolishness.
Internet: What?..old foolishness? Why just last week you went to
Me: (interrupting again) ahem..Annnywaaaaays. I’m glad I ran into you.
Internet: Me too – I gotta say, you look great, obviously you’ve been working out A LOT, how much do you bench? I don’t know how you do it, and at your age…amazing. Are you glowing?
Me: Probably – I’ve met someone online and I’m pretty happy about it.
Internet: Online? You’ve got to be kidding me right?
Me: I don’t know what to tell you. I wasn’t looking for an online relationship, it sorta snuck up on me and now….. now I think I’m in love with her.
Internet: Holy Sh*t! What’s her name? S8xypants_214? or do you even know her real name?
Me: It’s not like that! we have something real. (looking down at shoes..quietly) you don’t have to make fun of me about it.
Internet: Sorry – you do know that I’m still pretty much a teenager right? So c’mon, what’s her name?
Me: Her name is LifeofanArchitect.com
Internet: (scrunching face up into surprised grimace) Her?…yeah, I know her. Do you know what you’re getting into? I’ve been bringing more and more people by her place every day! Dude,…I think she might be a ho.
Me: She isn’t a ho! It’s called being friendly (muttering under breath) jerk….if you didn’t spend all your time with porn addicts you might know the difference….
Me: We met on March 4th 2010, it was sunny outside – blue skies, not a cloud in the sky and she wore an
Internet: (interrupting) BAR-RFF! Get on with it and please spare me the hyperbole.
Me: I think it was love at first sight. She makes me laugh and every now and then she says something that sticks with me for awhile. She might not be the prettiest out there and at times she can be really stupid. I also think she might be a little bit lazy, but
Internet: (sarcastically) Sounds greaaaaaat….I can see why you would be attracted to her.
Me: Well hold on, I wasn’t finished. It wasn’t until I committed to my relationship with her that things got interesting. We get together at least three times a week but I think about her all the time. It’s a lot of work but she makes me feel good about myself. We don’t have a physical relationship, she’s interested in something other than (waving arms wildly around body) all this.
Internet: What do you think is going to happen when your wife finds out about this relationship? That isn’t going to be cool.
Me: She already knows. I think she gets a little jealous at times because I spend so much time with LifeofanArchitect.com but I think she understands what I am getting out of this and how LifeofanArchitect.com makes me feel good about myself.
Internet: Duude! You totally have an open marriage! You are one lucky bastard I’ll tell you that much.
Me: My wife knows she is and will always be number one.
Internet: Yeah, I read about your Paris trip…nice. So, where do you think this relationship is going? Have you met her friends?
Me: I have met a few. Some are cool and others,….well,.. let’s just say some of her friends are full throttle. Her best friends are Twitter.com and Facebook.com and they are pretty cool – I have even become friends with them. She has a new friend that I’m not sure about just yet, Stumbleupon.com. She invited Stumbleupon.com over a few times and that crazy mofo brought along like 1,000 other people. I didn’t know any of them, and most of which I’ll probably never see again. At my age quality counts for more than quantity, but it sure was one hell of a party!
Internet: Sounds like milk and honey from your side, but how does she feel about you? Despite your beautiful skin color and muscular physique, you kinda look like someone’s grandpa and she’s what? barely 4 months old? – and if you make that joke about snow on the roof but fire in the furnace I’m going to punch you right in the face.
Me: I think she might really like me, maybe….I don’t know. Some days she is really happy with me and some days I swear she can’t stand me. It’s complicated.
Internet: So tell me about how it is right now – (looking left and right, whispering) does she put out?
Me: (also looking left and then right) Sorta – we are taking it slowly. Last week she let me put some ads on her to see how that works.
Internet: Oooohhh – (smiling and rubbing hands together) she’s dirty….
Me: Hey! She’s got her standards and she likes to share…. she’s a giver, …she likes to give … and share. Just last night and she gave me like $100 bucks from her friend Google AdSense and Amazon.
Internet: Ah-HA! So she IS a ho! And Oh-my-GAWD! – You’re her PIMP!! No wonder you like LifeofanArchitect.com, buwahahahaha. You are so stupid! hahahaa
Me: I know it looks bad but it isn’t like that I swear! I really like her, (looking down at ground, drawing arc’s with foot in the dirt, whispering) ….don’t cheapen it
Internet: Jeez, I don’t remember you being such a sensitive wuss. That always happens when people have kids – they lose their *air split flip roundhouse twist punch* and change their search settings to moderate. Soooo lame.
Me: I’ve even introduced her to some of my friends. They’re nice and I’m pretty sure..no, they’ll definitely…. well probably.. they like her too.
Internet: Jeez man – this is serious isn’t it?
Me: In the short time since we’ve met, there have been hundreds of thousands of unique friends come into our lives, and they are not just from Dallas…those people have come from all over the world, 140 different countries.
Internet: 140 countries!? You barely speak English and everyone knows you can’t write in any language.
Me: You shut it, besides, we speak the international language of blog….
Internet: You idiot – love is the international language.
Me: Not anymore.