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This is NOT Mentorship

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In my life, I have never had someone I could call a mentor. That almost sounds preposterous, doesn’t it? Surely there was someone, somewhere along the way that I turned to for guidance and support … right? Well, I’ve been thinking about this for weeks and I haven’t been able to recall anyone.

How is this possible? I’m not entirely sure, to be honest … but if I were to look back and evaluate my career, my journey is rife with missed opportunities and unnecessarily circuitous pathways. I am well aware of the value the right sort of mentor can provide to an individual because I’ve lived what happens when you don’t have one.

Here’s the other kicker, I haven’t been a mentor to someone in my life either. I was in an AIA mentorship program many years ago that paired me as the mentor to a young woman, but she moved out of town shortly after the program commenced … not sure what I should read into that.

This is my cat - Mocha

There’s something that always comes to mind whenever I think about mentorship. Whenever I think I am in a position to guide and instruct the young people in my profession … I think of cats. For the record, I currently share my home with one dog and two cats, and I can honestly say that I enjoy all of them. My dog is awesome and incredibly smart … she doesn’t do anything she shouldn’t and is eager to please. The cats, on the other hand, couldn’t care less about trying to please anyone … they do what they want. However, I don’t want these cats jumping up on my counters, tables, etc. because cats put their feet in nasty places and it just seems unsanitary to me. Of course, when you first get them and they’re kittens, they seem to go out of their way to jump up on top of all the things you don’t want them to, so you have to train them to avoid this sort of behavior.

So that’s what we do – we train our cats to stop jumping up on top of tables and countertops.

Or do they?

This is my cat Ginger

I think all we’ve actually trained them to do is to not jump up on top of the tables and countertops when we are in the room. So I think of cats when my thoughts turn towards imparting my wisdom to the younger members of my profession, especially when they might not be receptive to hearing the message.

So when my thoughts turn towards imparting my wisdom to the younger members of my profession, especially when they might not be receptive to hearing the message, I think of cats … because just like cats, young people do what they want.

Mentorship is intended to be a mutually beneficial arrangement between two interested individuals, but it can really only be instigated by the younger party. I often hear that this entire site is a form of mentorship … sort of a “mentorship by proxy”, and I couldn’t disagree more. At best, my website is full of unsolicited advice made available to people who are looking for some sort of information or guidance, but without the give-and-take of a meaningful dialog over an extended period of time, it is lacking at its core the real value that mentorship provides.

the most important component to the mentorship is the re-evaluation that occurs over time.

I am all for people finding a mentor – someone who you can turn to for support and guidance. This person should be in a leadership position in your firm but preferably someone other than your boss. Depending on the size of your firm you might not have that many options but complaining to your boss about things may not be the best idea. Finding a sounding board, someone you can vent, ask questions, get recommendations, etc. is a very good thing. Finding someone in your own office who understands the culture and the personalities in play will be able to help you far more than someone else, but the most important component to the mentorship process is re-evaluation over time. Act and react, course correction when new data is taken into consideration and the possibility of modifying (or changing completely) your goals and objectives.

In the meantime, don’t confuse someone who is giving out advice for someone in the role of mentor. The main distinction is that someone giving advice can pop onto the scene, drop some poorly considered advice bomb on you, and then enjoys the luxury of not necessarily being around to pick up the pieces or deal with the consequences. A real mentor is someone who evolves with you, is invested in the outcomes, and is there to mutually celebrate your successes.

Cheers,

Bob signature FAIA

This is the 27th entry in a series titled “ArchiTalks” and the topic was “Mentorship”

When I started #ArchiTalks, I wanted people to discover that architects have different experiences, backgrounds, and objectives. Despite architects all getting lumped together with a handful of broad stereotypes, we are all onions … we have many layers and not all of them smell good.

If you would like to see how other architects from around the globe responded to today’s topic of “Mentorship” just follow the links below.

Marica McKeel – Studio MM (@ArchitectMM)
ArchiTalks: Mentorship

Jeff Echols – Architect Of The Internet (@Jeff_Echols)
Mentors, Millennials and the Boomer Cliff

Lora Teagarden – L² Design, LLC (@L2DesignLLC)
ArchiTalks: Mentorship

Jeremiah Russell, AIA – ROGUE Architecture (@rogue_architect)
teach them the way they should go: #architalks

Eric T. Faulkner – Rock Talk (@wishingrockhome)
Bad Mentor, Good Mentor

Stephen Ramos – BUILDINGS ARE COOL (@sramos_BAC)
The Top 3 Benefits for Architects to Mentor and to be Mentored

Brian Paletz – The Emerging Architect (@bpaletz)
I’ve got a lot to learn

Jarod Hall – di’velept (@divelept)
The Lonely Mentor

Jeffrey Pelletier – Board & Vellum (@boardandvellum)
Mentoring with Anecdotes vs. Creating a Culture of Trust

Samantha R. Markham – The Aspiring Architect (@TheAspiringArch)
Why every Aspiring Architect needs SCARs

Nisha Kandiah – ArchiDragon (@ArchiDragon)
Mentorship : mend or end ?

Keith Palma – Architect’s Trace (@cogitatedesign)
Mentor5hip is…

Jim Mehaffey – Yeoman Architect (@jamesmehaffey)
My Mentor

Tim Ung – Journey of an Architect (@timothy_ung)
5 Mentors that are in my life

Mark Stephens – Mark Stephens Architects (@architectmark)
Mentorship

Gabriela Baierle-Atwood – Gabriela Baierle-Atwood (@gabrielabaierle)
On Mentorship

Ilaria Marani – Creative Aptitude (@creaptitude)
Mentorship

even better stuff from Life of an Architect

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  • Liked the cat example, and it’s something to think about… Mentors are like a safe space to count on, I guess.

  • Frank Smith

    I am so sorry you haven’t had the opportunity to act as a mentor, or be mentored-to. Having said that, I think you’ve probably mentored someone without knowing it (sorry about that). In any event, you do need a little more context before passing judgement on the subject (if I may be so bold). If I were to do the stereotypical amatuer psycho-analize job on what you wrote, I would say that you were a bit condescending, and lacking in empathy.

    Please, go find someone who is struggling, and go ahead and give them some unsolicited advice – that’s part of being a mentor. Alternatively, you could just go on vacation, and enjoy yourself – you may just find that reward enough.

    • Bob Borson

      I’ve been telling myself that this blog acts as a sort of 1-way mentorship and have found some solace in that. Unfortunately for anyone who would wish me to be their mentor, there is a certain “geographical convenience” factor that would have to be considered.

      As far as the condescention and lacking empathy, I think you might be a bit off course. I am many thing but few would describe using those terms.

  • Mark McSwain

    Concur.
    I’ve had, in significantly jaded hindsight, many mentors. Except most of those had no intention of being a mentor (and at least a couple who actively pursued the antithesis of mentorship).

    That being said, I’ve always felt it was part of my aegis to teach those who needed or wanted instruction. The benefit to me was getting things right rather than having to redmark them.

    • Bob Borson

      I agree that everyone should make themselves available to teach or share their knowledge/experience with others – in fact, I believe our profession is built on this sort of exchange.

  • Kerry Hogue

    hi Bob. Mentorship is vitally important, and almost necessary, in order to achieve your professional potential. Going alone is very difficult. Through the years I have had several mentors, each valuable to my growth and advancement as a professional and an individual. I am also currently a mentor to several individuals. The two most important things a person can do to make the most of their professional career: 1) have a mentor, or several for that matter; 2) be a mentor. It is amazing the things I have learned from the younger staff being a mentor to them.

    and to your point, a mentor is someone that you have developed a professional relationship with and not someone that just pops in and spouts off supposed wisdom. A mentor/mentee relationship is nurtured and takes time, and is organic in its growth.

    You need to get a mentor Bob. You also need to be a mentor Bob.

    • Bob Borson

      I do need a mentor – at least a proper one – and I have no problems being a mentor … but nobody has ever asked me.

      • Kerry Hogue

        well, sometimes there is not a direct communication entitled, hey be my mentor. it just develops and the next thing either of you know, hey it is a mentor/mentee relationship, and you are learning from each other. Granted my work environment is likely more conducive to those than yours is. A boss/employee relationship is not quite the same thing, although it can develop to be given the right circumstance. The thing about having a mentor is finding someone to align with that you feel can provide the guidance and advice you need to progress and grow, and often times to just provide validation to the direction you are going. A good mentor is also a good listener, and someone that admits they don’t know everything, but is willing to find out. Honest and open communication, sometimes delivering the not so pleasant bits of wisdom, is a requirement.

        Let me know how I can help.

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  • Paul Dennehy

    I think teaching an architectural associate not to jump on their desk – or anyone’s desk is a worthy endeavor. But that mentorship starts with the firm culture.

    • Bob Borson

      I think that sort of mentorship starts at home with the parents …

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  • That’s a great way of looking at new interns Bob – you’re right unless heavily monitored they’ll behave just like cats

    • Bob Borson

      and if you treat them right, they’ll stay with you forever

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My “Serious” Disclaimer

The complimentary advice provided on ‘Life of an Architect’ is based on an abbreviated examination of the minimal facts given, not the typical extensive (and sometimes exhaustive) analysis I conduct when working with my clients. Therefore, anything you read on this site is not a substitute for actually working with me. Following my casual advice is at your own peril … if you want my undivided attention, I would recommend hiring me. Cheers.

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