Every now and then I need to step away from the emails and the phone and remind myself that the person who is currently making me go apoplectic might have something going on other than idiocracy.
The culture of any firm has a significant impact on how the people of that firm behave. The phrase “attitude reflects leadership” comes to mind whenever the subject is brought up. More times than not, the reason this subject comes up because someone is trying to cover their butt rather than solve whatever issue is at hand.
Let me go on record and state that I am not a fan of butt covering. That’s right, I am anti-butt-covering.
I am extremely fortunate because nine times out of ten I get to work with skilled contractors who are diligent in their duties and thoughtful about how they go about running their business. It’s that 10th contractor that gives me fits, but as I mentioned, attitude reflects leadership and there are times when you have to remind yourself that the person you are dealing with might simply be doing what they were told.
Take a deep breath.
Walk away from the email.
Don’t send that text … probably shouldn’t write a post about it either.
Too late.
It’s your behavior in these moments matters because how you handle yourself will be remembered for far longer than whatever issue is currently in the limelight. I wrote a post a few years ago – Your Behavior Matters – and it is one of the better posts I’ve written, and I can attest to the fact that the lesson I learned from that experience was probably the best lesson I’ve ever learned. (you can also see/hear me tell this story here).
When I have a problem, my first inclination isn’t to think “What’s my exposure here?” I don’t immediately dive into my emails so that I can prove that I did what I was supposed to do and this was someone else’s fault, and therefore as a result, their problem. While I am saying ” I ” a lot, I don’t think this is the inclination of anyone in my office either. We have a culture of collaboration and support in our office and we try and work towards a solution rather than spending energy covering our butt. Most days I feel collaborative, but I had a moment the other day where my business partner tried to talk me down off the ledge … I wasn’t up there to jump, but rather to push somebody else off.
I had received an email (that had other people copied in – a favorite move of butt coverer’s the world over) from a site-superintendant who said that the electricians missed an outlet where a disposal was to be installed, but since my drawings didn’t show the necessary outlet, it wasn’t their fault. Since I am responsible for the drawings, and I am unaware of any household disposals that don’t require power, this was clearly my fault. However, since I am not a “reply-to-all” sort of person, I sent a scathing text message to the project manager. I basically told him that since the clients are paying for project supervision, if I draw in a disposal, and fail to show the prerequisite power outlet, that they need to “do your f-ing job and actually supervise the project!”
But I didn’t say “F-ing” … I said (texted) the whole ‘F’ word.
That was a first for me. In 25-years I have never said that word to a contractor. I was really mad and I immediately felt shame and remorse. I rarely use curse words when talking to contractors because I think it’s rude and counterproductive. The truth is that I didn’t show any power to the disposal … but the crazy part is that I also didn’t show a disposal. What?! That’s right. The client asked for this additional disposal during construction so I sent an email to the contractor asking if we could still add a disposal, or was it too late? He confirmed that we could and I considered the matter complete. So they remembered the disposal but not the power to that disposal, and the site superintendent never coordinated this scope with the electricians. Fast forward 12 months and it’s my fault for not drawing in an electrical outlet.
I behaved shamefully, but all the site superintendent needed to say was “We need an outlet here and there isn’t one. Here are your options. How would you like to handle it?” I get that people make mistakes, they might not even know it’s their mistake, but in this instance, the first gut reaction was to cover their butt. Why?
Does their attitude reflect leadership? Maybe. For all I know, the site superintendent has marching orders to do exactly what he did, or maybe he’s simply frustrated about something else – maybe he’s not getting the support he needs to do what needs to be done and he’s killing himself just to get where we’re at. I know this guy, at least professionally, and he is a decent and conscientious person who probably didn’t deserve my telepathic wrath. In the end, the project manager (the person who actually received my text) responded back and apologized and said he’d take care of it – which he did in very short order – which reinforced the thought in my head that the text was unnecessary.
I’m sure there isn’t an architect walking the planet who doesn’t have some sort of similar story … it comes with the territory. I don’t want the people who work with me to behave in this manner, and I don’t want the contractors I work with to behave in this manner. So what’s the takeaway here? Getting mad isn’t the problem. How you handle yourself is what matters. Don’t make your first move be about putting yourself on the attack by creating a defensible position. We all have the same goal and my experience is that nine times out of ten, most issues are fairly easy to resolve. If you handle that tenth one correctly, that relationship will fundamentally shift and that contractor will become one of the nine.
I’ll leave you with two quotes – one of them is probably appropriate for today:
The employer generally gets the employees he deserves.
J. Paul Getty
Check yo self before you wreck yo self
Ice Cube
Thanks for the soapbox. Regular posts will resume tomorrow.
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This is a perfect read for today as i’ve dealt with this situation hours earlier. Only i took a step outside before replying to the email. Positive attitudes make a great difference, and this article helps me think of resolving a situation without sounding condescending. I just like to solve the problem and get on with it, but i hate making another feel little. Thanks Bob. Another good lesson to keep in mind.
Too bad most of us have to learn it the hard way at least once.
Cheers
I almost want to put in my contract that texting is not a formal means of communication in business. I do tell my clients that I do not text unless I am running late to a meeting. I just think that it is too personal and can get too emotional (and that is coming from me!). There is a contractor who argues via text all the time, via dictation so the written communication almost becomes unintelligible and therefore just a way for him to let off steam. I have had to tell him and a previous client to “step away from your phone!!!” in order that they may both calm down. That is probably the best way to approach business, even an email can be too heated or, just call them up and have a conversation with them or a face-to-face meeting as it is easier to express yourself as long as no firearms are present. 🙂
1. You never text me such passionate, emotional texts…I’m hurt.
2. I have two related, recent stories that reinforce your point.
3. Soapboxes aren’t bad in-and-of themselves as long as they’re handled in the spirit of this post.
1. I can arrange that if you’re interested
2. they don’t count unless you actually tell us those stories
3. thank you
i’m only interested in 2., if it involves lee at “happy hour”, and he has to be “happy”.
i’ve met people who “say” they prefer profane bosses, as “then they are being honest.” Which makes me wonder what sorts of work environments they have been in.
24 years’ of FitReps will teach a person things about language and expression.. I find I often have to draft things several times.
There are times, though, when shouting imprecations seems both mete and just, lest the jackanapes compound and overwhelm.
Wow, good sh*t. I mean that in the most complimentary way possible. Props to you, Bob.
thanks – I’ll take it
I have learned through the years that I am merely a member of a team. And as a team member my responsibility is for the success of the team. That means working hard, by being collaborative, by being communicative, by being solution oriented. As the manager of the project, I have also found that when things go wrong it is my fault. And when things go right, it is to the credit of the team. This sage wisdom and good judgment comes from experience. and experience comes from poor judgment. That trite and overused quote (and its variations) really is a summary of life and how one matures over the years. I have found though that effectual leadership is never looking for blame, and always looking for solutions.
as always, great post Bob.
team member mentality is a good way to look at it. I typically tell people that we all have the same goals so working together just makes sense. Unfortunately it’s sort of like playing blackjack – if everyone is on the same page but the one person sitting at third base takes a hit when the dealer showing 4, the whole table gets screwed.
Everybody needs to be on the same page.
A wise post, but I actually have the opposite issue. As someone in the profession with limited construction document experience, I have found that I’m sending out docs that actually are missing pieces of information because I’m still pretty clueless. Key pieces, such as identifying materials and certain dimensions to walls. (Why hasn’t that been addressed by those in my office who are in oversight positions – that’s another story.) I’m trying to help out the contractor when I can while keeping an eye on schedules and scope of work. Meanwhile, those in the supervisory positions (aka, the bosses) continue to tell me to push back against the contractor and make him figure out it. I’m finding THIS type of communication is just as bad as constant yelling and butt-covering and I find that I’m stuck in the middle. It’s not a position that anyone should be in.
Yes – same circumstances, same results – pain and suffering.
It was not my intention to cast dispersions on all contractors by implying that they are always covering their butts. My experience (which is somewhat unique due to the nature of the projects I work on) is that the contractor, and especially a good site superintendent, are worth their weight in fee. Since I have always worked in relatively small firms, I’ve relied on working with contractors, tapping into their experience and knowledge to help my projects be all that they can be. This attitude has fundamentally shaped my thought process because I generally don’t see contractors as the problem. If you turn this around and create your circumstance, I think it’s possible that your situation is worse.
Like I said, attitude reflects leadership, and if you don’t want to fall in line, it’s probably best that you remove yourself from this situation. In the long run you’ll be better off.
Great post, Bob! I’ve found myself in these very same situations in my industry. I’ve worked at companies where CYA was the rule and copying managers and peers on damning emails was the norm. Luckily I’m not with that employer anymore and I have lots of friends who went through those revolving doors for the very same reasons. I’ve also matured in my time working in the oil industry. It’s another place where yelling and cursing are part of the common culture. As a 25 year-old engineer I would light folks up on a daily basis but now, a dozen years later, I’ve found that I can usually convey my disappointment and desired changes without raising my voice at all. There are those times when a verbal assault will get great results but using this tactic every day reduces its efficacy.
I couldn’t imagine working in an environment that was so toxic that sending damning emails was the norm. Seems like that would artificially shorten your time on this planet.
I am chuckling a bit at your last sentence because there was a part of this story that I left out (I thought it would send the wrong message). Since I don’t curse or yell at people, it is incredibly effective when I do – this time was no different. But then I thought about the person to whom I sent my text message off to and realized that he has been the sort of project manager that has tried to solve every issue I’ve ever brought up, even if I didn’t yell and scream, thereby making the need for the tone of this particular text unnecessary.
This quote from my from favorite author strikes the same tune
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”
– Patrick Rothfuss
Old proverbs are old proverbs for a reason. They are true.
You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
Translation: It is easier to persuade others with polite requests and a positive attitude rather than with rude demands and negativity.
Also, smiles work better than scowls.
Thanks Gene – truer words have never been spoken.
😉
I once worked for a guy, I was an intern architect and he was many, many years my senior, who could and would tell off anyone at anytime with little to no provocation. Not long ago, I was venting about this individual to my dad (who is the wisest man for miles – which is why I turned out so well) and he gave me some really, really sound advice. As I became an architect, my dad told me that I would soon understand why “this man” acted the way he did, the challenge was not to become like him. As any wise advice goes, I soon experienced exactly what my dad was saying and found myself wanting to talk to people in exactly the way that “this man” would talk to people (the underlying reason I’ve found to be that – I don’t freaking have time to do every job twice – or more; I’ve already sent you that information; go look in your email or in the drawings.)
I’ve had to apologize to people on several occasions and one as recently as last Friday.
Thanks for the transparency, Bob.
Since I don’t (or at least, rarely) yell at people anymore, I don’t have to send out too many apology emails.
When I married my wife, she taught me the simple concept of “everyone is entitled to have a bad day” and I typically think about this whenever I feel the urge to let my frustration manifest itself verbally.
Your comment towards the end about doing things twice – I think that’s part of the reason most architects get frustrated … it seems to go hand-in-hand with the “covering your butt” issues.
I hope people pay attention to this post, so simple but so important. I worked at a business where a partner would frequently have party drinks on Friday followed by a return to the office to send off all the emails he felt like sending sober (but didn’t) to staff, contractors and even clients. My Monday’s were spent apologising and trying to find replacement trades. I can’t ever think of it ever making anything better, after several successful initial years and some great work the business folded and the staff who put up with it lost their jobs. The people at the other end of what you do, no matter how much you dislike them after an incident, have friends, family and colleagues who value them so maybe they’re not a 100% moron. If you approach the situation with empathy for what they do and fair accountability you’d be surprised how much good can come from something gone bad.
If a pattern of behavior becomes apparent, there might be other issues at work here. I also didn’t think that people got drunk and sent off emails or text messages once they graduated from college – yikes!
My Father-in-law was a contractor (project manager) for very large projects. He once told me that I’d make a good contractor because I am good at yelling at people – a trait that I was not even aware I was doing. My behavior has changed since those days but I know that part of the underlying subtext to his message was that there is a culture in the construction business where foul language and yelling at people is the norm. The issue with that is I don’t want it to be how I go about my business.