It’s one thing to be a good architect and another to be a good person – but the real value comes when you work at being both. The reality is that architecture is a profession filled with deadlines, personalities, and an endless number of decisions that can make it easy to lose sight of the human side of the job. The things that help you succeed in your career aren’t always the same things that make you enjoyable to be around, yet both skill sets matter more than most people realize. This week, Andrew and I revisit a list I put together more than a decade ago – one part professional survival guide, one part life advice – to see what still holds true, what’s changed, and where we can all stand to improve. Welcome to episode 183: Tips for being an Architect AND a Good Person.
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Today’s post is a reincarnation of a post I wrote back in 2013 and it was a list of 43 tips that I came up with one afternoon that I thought would be worth telling someone who might be interested in listening. It has been 12 years since that post and I decided to dust it off and give it a bit of a revisit. Part of the origin story of that original post had to do with the number of emails I was receiving at the time asking me various questions about how to be an architect. On this particular day, I received an email from a young man who recently graduated and wanted to know if I had any tips or recommendations for him as he starts his career. Uhhhh … do I have any tips? It’s like he doesn’t know who I am because I am full of unsolicited advice.
Bob’s Tips for being an Architect
Don’t send an email for everything, they live forever and get sent around.
jump to 4:04
While I think this is incredibly valuable AND practical advice, the older I get the more I believe that this career-making advice. There are basically conversations that are a matter of convenience and record-keeping and sending emails off to cover this sort of exchange is fine. However … there are conversations that are best made in person and not written down. I should also add that if you are confused as to which type of conversation I am referring, make sure that you do no “cc:” everybody on the project.
If I have a difficult or somewhat incendiary message to deliver, I don’t do it over email. A face-to-face discussion is on an order of magnitude better because it allows for an exchange of conversation, something that is important if this is a relationship that you need to maintain. It is also worth noting that most realize that there is a certain amount of courtesy involved in having an in-person conversation that doesn’t potentially make the everybody look incompetent and as a result they are far more willing to continue working together to achieve a positive end result.
Eventually you are going to eat your vegetables, start early and get the benefits now.
jump to 6:05
There’s always a part of this profession that feels like eating your vegetables – the stuff nobody gets excited about. Redlines, specs, code reviews, coordination meetings that drag on forever. You can ignore them for a while, but eventually they end up on your plate. The sooner you dig in, the better, because those unglamorous tasks are where you start to understand how buildings really come together. That’s where you learn why a detail matters, why coordination keeps projects from falling apart, and why the boring parts often end up being the most important.
So don’t think of vegetables as punishment, think of them as training. If you take them on early, you build the judgment and discipline that will serve you for the rest of your career. By the time the dessert shows up – the glossy renderings, the recognition, the ribbon cuttings – you’ll actually be ready to enjoy it.
Yelling rarely resolves matters.
jump to 7:22
There was a time when I thought being right was the most important thing on a job site – my shield said “I am right” and my sword basically shouted “You are stupid.” I won plenty of arguments that way, yet all it really did was create a combative environment where nobody wanted to listen. Over the years I realized that stomping onto a site with drawings in hand and yelling does not accomplish much. People already know when something is not what it is supposed to be … they do not need me screaming in their face to figure it out.
The lesson is clear – choose battles wisely. Certain issues are worth standing your ground on because they protect the integrity of the work, while others are nothing more than noise. Arguing about every minor thing turns you into the person nobody wants to deal with. Saving energy for the moments that truly matter – the ones tied to quality, cost, or honesty – earns respect rather than resentment. The real win comes from knowing which battles are worth fighting in the first place … and letting the rest go.
Reasons and Excuses sound a lot alike.
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Most people believe there is a meaningful difference between offering a reason and giving an excuse. From their perspective, a reason explains the situation and feels more acceptable … but from the perspective of the person who was counting on them, the result is exactly the same. The task still isn’t complete, the problem still exists, and someone else is left to pick up the slack. Whether you call it a reason or an excuse doesn’t change the outcome, which is why the distinction is far less important than people think.
Taking responsibility is the only way to close that gap. A good architect doesn’t waste time dressing up explanations to make failure sound acceptable – they acknowledge what happened, own the outcome, and move forward with a plan to fix it. Clients, contractors, and colleagues care far less about why something went wrong than they do about whether you can be trusted to make it right. Once you understand that, you stop worrying about separating reasons from excuses and start focusing on accountability. That shift is what builds confidence in your abilities and, more importantly, in your character.
Pay attention to what’s important to you, learn who you are, not who you want to be.
jump to 13:10
There comes a time when you realize you are not going to be an astronaut, a fireman, or a ballerina … whatever. Those early pictures of who we thought we would become get carried forward long after they have expired. By the time you are finishing school and starting your career, you are already a different person than the one who set those expectations. Life has a way of reshaping you through challenges, opportunities, and failures … and pretending otherwise only keeps you chasing something that might no longer fit.
The sooner you recognize who you actually are, instead of who you thought you wanted to be, the sooner you start aligning your goals with reality. That is not giving up on ambition, it is refining it. People who spend their time working toward the things they are truly good at find more success and more satisfaction. Ignoring that truth only leads to frustration. Pay attention to what matters to you right now, reevaluate it often, and you will find yourself building a career and a life that fits the person you have actually become.
Andrew’s Tips for being an Architect
Take notes about everything/every meeting/every interaction.
jump to 15:50
This one is a twofold concept. The first reason is essentially to have records of things. This is a bit of CYA that simply invades my thoughts after being in the profession for so long; really, it’s just a matter of working in any situation. The second, and much more importantly, writing down notes makes a different connection to your brain. Several scientific studies have shown this to be true. For me, it is about being more mindful and aware of the information I write down compared to what I just hear. Writing things down makes your brain remember information better and for longer. Also, it just keeps you more engaged with the information. And just to be clear, this is not about analog, old-school note-taking. Take them on your tablet if you prefer. Just take them and thank me later.
No one is perfect. That goes for those “above” you and “below” you. (More/Less Experienced).
jump to 17:44
Sometimes it’s good to give some people leniency. Now I know this is probably the most challenging item on this list, and possibly on both lists. However, sometimes people make mistakes, exhibit poor judgment, or make the wrong move. From our own personal view, we tend to be overly critical of others. “I would not have done that.” “I would have done better.” No one is perfect. Ever. There are so many reasons that can impact the daily activities and tasks we have to complete in our roles, making it difficult to always do the right thing. So let someone have a mistake or two. I am not saying to let it go altogether, but first or second mistakes are ok. Once in a blue moon, mistakes can certainly happen. Making the wrong move or saying the wrong thing is real, but it’s not always malevolent. Again, there are people who are jerks and rude and terrible, but try not to immediately put people there after one time. This is true for your bosses above you and for the people you manage below you. This is really true for everyone, but we are talking about work here, so your boss may not be intentionally crushing you. Your coworker may not realize their comments hurt. Your junior staff member may have real distractions that made their work off today. Your first option should be grace. Then see if it becomes a pattern. Everyone has rough times in life. EVERYONE.
Doing “more”, no matter how much, can lead to greater success.
jump to 19:07
We seem to talk about this one often on the show. But I still believe it to be true. At times, I will admit, it is difficult for me to trust it, but in the end, I think it is always the foundation for the road to success. What is the saying? “One percent more each day adds up to multitudes over a year.” A little more than expected is always a good thing. Again, that payoff may not be immediate or as quick as we all want, but it will come. So don’t finish your work early and just sit. Take that time to do a little bit more. If nothing else, it makes you a better person.
Hand drawing is not a gift, it’s a skill. Practice.
jump to 20:10
Easy one here. While this can be a gift for some, it doesn’t mean you can let it sit. The more you work and practice, the better you get. Just dedicate some time each day. 10 minutes. Heck, even 2 minutes will do. I read an article just last week that stated being able to sketch over ideas with clients makes them feel more involved in the process and trust you, the architect, more as a partner in the design process. Being able to sketch through ideas in a meeting rather than telling a client you will send over new schemes after a few days of computer work makes a difference to the level of engagement clients feel in the process. Easy to understand. As with note-taking, this is not about analog versus digital. Any mode is great, as long as you spend the time to practice the skill.
Don’t eat your lunch at your desk.
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I actually didn’t discover until later in my life. When I owned my own company, I ate at my desk way too often. But one day I was eating in my office at school, and a colleague came and asked me what in the world I was doing. He then began to politely berate me about this practice. “Do not ever do this again”, he told me. And, you know what? He was right. It is one of the worst personal habits that we can have in the office. You need the break. Your brain needs the break. Your soul needs the break. I’m not saying you have to go out for lunch. You don’t even have to leave the building. Just do not sit at your desk and eat your lunch. Take the moments you can and get some mental separation. It can invigorate you for the rest of the afternoon, especially if you can get outside for lunch. In my opinion, this is one of the most significant ways to maintain your well-being at work. Even better if you can eat with friends.
Bob’s Tips for being a Good Person jump to 30:44
Don’t tell someone else that the food they’re eating looks gross.
jump to 31:36
This should be common sense, yet apparently it is not. People feel compelled to comment on what’s on someone else’s plate, as if pointing out how disgusting it looks is doing them a favor. It is not. Telling someone their food looks gross doesn’t change what they’re eating … it only manages to make you look worse than the food.
I learned this lesson in college when I was dating a girl and we were both flat broke. She was hungry, so we stopped into a convenience store and she bought one of those hot dogs that had been slowly rotating on the rollers since the Hoover administration. I looked at her like she was eating something dead people wouldn’t eat … and I let her know it. She then systematically dressed me down for being rude, and she was right. That moment has stayed with me for more than 35 years, and while our affection for one another faded (just like the color in that hot dog) this lesson has not.
Don’t get your picture taken holding a cocktail.
jump to 33:32
Nothing good ever comes from being photographed with a drink in your hand, unless you are in an ad for a liquor company … and you probably aren’t. It doesn’t matter if it’s a martini, a beer, or one of those drinks with a tiny umbrella – once that picture exists, it tells a story that probably isn’t the one you want told. Maybe you were celebrating, maybe it was just one drink after work, but in the photo you look like the person who always has a drink in their hand. Context disappears, and all that’s left is the image. I have seen it happen enough times to know better … someone updates their profile picture or a client stumbles across a candid shot online, and suddenly that single moment becomes their reputation. You might be the most responsible person in the room, but a snapshot doesn’t show that. It shows you with a cocktail – and that’s all anyone remembers. Do yourself a favor, set the drink down, smile for the camera, and pick it back up when the flash is gone.
People go to college to learn how to learn.
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My dad told me this about a million times when I was growing up, and without even realizing it I now say it about a million times myself. People think college is about cramming your head full of information, but the real takeaway is figuring out how to teach yourself what you don’t already know. Architecture school is a perfect example – you are more equipped to design a “dark-side of the moon traveling habitat pod” than anything that society actually needs. That’s not a knock on the education, it’s the point. The assignments are intentionally ridiculous because the goal isn’t the project, it’s learning how to work through the problem.
What you actually leave with is the ability to ask the right questions, dig into the right resources, and piece together an answer. That is the skill that lasts. Information changes, codes change, technology changes … the ability to learn does not. Once you figure that out, the pressure to know everything goes away. You stop worrying about what you don’t know and start focusing on how quickly you can learn it. That shift makes you far more valuable, not just as an architect, but as a person people can count on.
Work on your vocabulary.
jump to 36:40
Architects generally have a big vocabulary – or maybe we just have a specific vocabulary that is so intrinsic to our profession that it makes us seem like we have a big vocabulary. I feel like I have an unnecessarily large vocabulary and I am kind of proud of it to be honest. Vocabulary is an indicator of general intelligence – which is not just my opinion, but according to the Wechslers Adult Intelligence Score, Vocabulary falls into crystallized intelligence. A richer vocabulary often indicates broad reading habits, exposure to diverse concepts, and the ability to retain and retrieve verbal information. This is why WAIS includes a Vocabulary subtest — not because words themselves make you smarter, but because knowing many words signals a lifetime of intellectual engagement When my daughter Kate was little, I used “big” words all the time and as a result – that is how she speaks now. I told her that people who curse a lot don’t have the capacity to express themselves in alternative manners.
Every person you meet will either change your life or you’ll change theirs, act accordingly.
jump to 40:20
It is easy to go through the day thinking that most interactions don’t matter, but the truth is every single one has the potential to stick. A chance encounter can shift your path in ways you never saw coming, and something you say offhand might linger with someone else for years. You never know what moment will carry weight … it’s like walking into a bar and seeing a platypus sitting at the counter playing with an egg. You did not expect it, you have no idea what it means, but you are never going to forget it. That is how people can enter your life – in ways that make no sense at the time but stay with you forever.
Looking back, the most important turns in my own life weren’t always the big planned events. They were the unexpected conversations, the chance meetings, or the people I didn’t fully appreciate at the time. That doesn’t mean you should live in fear of saying the wrong thing, but it does mean you should take seriously the effect you have on others. The same way people have shaped you, you’re shaping them. Act accordingly, because those small moments end up becoming the big ones.
Andrew’s Tips for being a Good Person
Have friends who aren’t other architects.
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We tend to stick, or perhaps I should say herd, together as architects. While I understand the reasons, it is always beneficial to expand your social circle. While I know we, as architects, are among the most interesting people in the world, there are others who offer just as much. I promise. So make and keep friends from outside our sphere. I will admit that most of my friends who fall into this category are people I met in college, but I also manage to find them through volunteer organizations, my kids’ friends’ parents, and through hobbies. I think this tip will make you a more well-rounded and better person. (Also, a better architect, honestly.) So just make sure to step outside our circle and meet people who are not tied up in our ridiculous world of deadlines, RFI’s, code compliance, and pressures. I will admit, sometimes this can make you question your chosen profession, but usually, for me, it helps reinforce the reasons I like that choice.
You already have the “NO.” (i.e., it doesn’t hurt to ask).
jump to 44:37
If you don’t ask, then you already have a “No.” So you may as well ask the question. Ask for help. Ask for the upgrade. Ask for the meeting. Ask for the raise. Ask them out for coffee. While there is still a chance of rejection, there is also a chance of acceptance. I find more often than not, as long as you ask nicely, no one is put off by you asking. And if the mood is right, you asked so nicely, or who knows why, you may get exactly what you ask for. While I learned of this in the context of dating, it applies equally to all aspects of life.
Learn how to “Make” something (as a hobby or skill).
jump to 45:40
As I get on in my age, I find that keeping your brain and body engaged is critical to your overall well-being and health. I see this in my aging parents as well as in my own life. So finding a hobby or task that requires you to use both your mind and your body is definitely beneficial. This can be almost anything, as long as it involves both thinking and doing. These can include activities like puzzle making, painting, cooking, hiking, bookmaking, sewing, drawing, etc. The real key is that at some point, you should develop one of these that allows you to continue as you age. But the act of “Making” is, in my opinion, critical to a fulfilled life. One, because it does keep you active, but two, because you have something to “show” for your effort. There is a tangible and real accomplishment at the end.
Meals and drinks are always better with friends.
jump to 46:37
I say this as a counterbalance to doing those things alone. As I get older, and perhaps even more so due to post-COVID tendencies, I think socializing is another essential aspect of life. So make the effort. I know I often want to stay home and not meet up, but this can be detrimental to you as a human being. Even the most antisocial among us needs to interact with friends from time to time. So do it. Also, it’s best not to drink alone. While I know many people do this and can convince themselves it is acceptable, I genuinely do not think it’s healthy. Again, don’t get me wrong; I have done it and might still do so occasionally, but in general, it should be avoided. Being around others with good food, good drinks, and good atmosphere is always an improvement for those activities. So make sure you do it when you can and when you are offered the opportunity. If someone asks you to join for dinner, say yes. Then go and enjoy it!
Don’t place your issues onto other people.
jump to 48:05
It is difficult to get to the root of this one. I stumble around it a bit in the episode. It really boils down to not projecting your own insecurities, values, or opinions onto others in reference to how you think they view you. This is another tough task to accomplish consistently. It takes real effort not to project yourself and your ideas onto other people, both from a positive or negative viewpoint. This relates a little to the “no one is perfect” tip from my other section. So, not everyone is out to drag you down, take credit for your work, or disagree with you. Nor are they going to agree with you 100%, think you are the best, or want you to be their best friend in life. So in true GenX fashion, I am saying to temper your expectations of other people. Be neutral first. Try to let the other person reveal themselves to you before you place them in a category. I think if everyone on the planet could do this, it would be a significantly better planet for us all.
Hypothetical jump to 50:54
Today’s question was submitted by a listener and while pretty random, turned out to be a pretty interesting (read ridiculous) conversation.
Would you be a duck for a year and not be guaranteed that you would survive this year but if you made it for a year then you would live for at least another 30+ years healthy and financially secure?
So Andrew and I both chose to become ducks for a year, mostly because we get to use our superior intellect to avoid most of the problems ducks might face in their day-to-day lives. My main concern is that at some point, am I part of a duck gang as the brains of the operation, or am I going to become the victim of duck-on-duck crimes …
Ep 183: Tips for being an Architect AND a Good Person
Lists like this are never meant to be complete – they’re snapshots of the things that feel most important at a particular moment in time. A decade ago, I wrote down my thoughts on how to be both a better architect and a better person, and while some of those ideas have shifted, others feel even more relevant now. The truth is that the habits, decisions, and small interactions we choose every day shape not just our careers, but also how people experience us outside of work. The two are connected whether we like it or not. My hope is that these ten reminders spark a bit of reflection, a few conversations, and maybe even some changes in how you approach both your projects and your relationships. If nothing else, they’re a good place to start.
Cheers,
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