As I write this post, I am laying in my bed, running a 102-degree fever. I haven’t received any official word back from the doctor’s office, but the possibilities aren’t looking good for me. As I lie here dying, it got me wondering, what did I do to Karma, and why did Karma decide to pound me? Because I am such a “saintly” person (you can read that in any bathroom stall – it’s totally true) I have been trying to figure out, what’s different lately? It’s the blog, isn’t it Karma?
Let’s go back to last week…when my driveway starting erupting from the broken city water line.
Okay, so that’s not cool but sometimes things just happen right? Karma got better things to do than follow every move I make (finger’s crossed).
So the holiday weekend descends upon us – 3 days of sun, fun, barbecuing, and all-around awesomeness … except that it starts to rain and it continues off and on for the next 3 days (coincidence? Karma, you devilish trickster!! Ha!….you got me!) So swimming is out, so is the BBQ, but that’s all right – I am totally a glass is half full kind of person. We decide to head out to the racetrack to see the horses run because after the last race they are going to shoot off some fireworks.
If you’re going to the racetrack, you need some pocket money (at least I do). So I head out in the rain to the ATM where I get a message like this from the screen –
There seems to have been some fraudulent use on this account. We are still going to give you the funds you have requested … but please call the following number immediately
What? Okay, first off, if they think there’s monkey business going on with my account, DON”T KEEP HANDING OUT MY MONEY!!!!
So I call the number and I am sure that I am connected to the dumbest person of all time. The first part of the conversation went like this:DPOAT (Dumbest person of all time): Hi, thanks for calling, how may I help you? Me: I got a message about fraudulent use on my account and was given this number to call. DPOAT: And … what is your name? Me: Robert Borson. DPOAT: What was the fraudulent use, sir? Me: I don’t know, I’m just calling after getting the message that I need to call … and the machine didn’t give me back my card. DPOAT: I see … what is your name? Me: huh? Robert Borson, I just told you that. DPOAT: Okay, what is the number on your card? Me: I don’t know, I don’t have my card! DPOAT: Where did you last leave it? Me: You’re kidding me right? The machine took it!
It went on and on like this but I’ll throw up if I have to relive it again. So, I am a little wound up when I get home and I walk in the front door and both my wife and my mother-in-law look at me and then tell me to go look in the backyard. Why? Did a crate of gold bullion fall from the sky on its way to South America? No, not even close …
So a giant ass tree branch fell in my yard and NOT a box of gold bullion. Great. Okay, “glass-half-full” guy – what do you think of that? Ha-ha! I’m going to say at least the branch didn’t actually fall on anything other than grass. It literally fell right in between all sorts of stuff with value – fence, the roof of the garage, air conditioning compressor. And nothing other than the yard is worse for the wear because I can tell you, I am not looking forward to clearing that tree out – it involves real work and sweat – two things I loathe if I’m being honest. But we will just have to deal with this later because the night’s festivities are about to start!
Surprisingly, despite some rain delays, we got our races in and the rain took a break long enough to get the fireworks show in. I have won every single time I have been to the races –
e v e r y t i m e.
Uh-no, not this time, but that’s okay because as “glass-half-full” guy, I didn’t lose more than I was willing to spend and everyone (Michelle, Kate, and Grandma) had a lot of fun. There was a petting zoo and pony rides for Kate, and beer with 8lb plates of nachos for the rest of us.
So it’s now Sunday and my back starts to hurt. Not really sure why, I haven’t done anything, certainly nothing that would cause the sort of pain that I am starting to feel. Sort of a deep, aching pain in my bones – not my muscles – this is bone pain. And it hurts a lot. Come Monday, I can’t really move and other symptoms start showing up, I can tell this is going to be a doozy.
As I become more and more incapacitated, I am grateful that my mother-in-law is here. Not only is she a fantastic person that my daughter Kate simply loves and adores, but when she comes to visit, she really helps out. With me being sick (and I am a huge crabby baby when I get sick), Grandma came in and really helped both Michelle and me.
So I go see the doctor and tell her about all my aches and pains. The doctor looked down my throat and literally said “yeaaargghh – that is seriously nasty”. She orders waaaay too many vials of my precious life force (talking about blood people), Chest X-rays, throat swabs – everything.
So yes Karma, you made me horrifically sick but yet you sent someone here to help out and now that I have a note from the Doctor’s office that I am in fact really sick, I am completely justified in hiring someone else to clean the branch out back – Haha! I was walking outside my front door and almost walked into this……..
.Simply amazing. And glass half full guy says – Mr. Deadly spider with stab-ey spikes around the edges has a smiley face on his back…awwwwww.
So Karma isn’t mad at me at all. Sure I got sick but I didn’t have to cut up the tree. It rained over the holiday weekend but stopped long enough for us to enjoy our trip to the race track and see a great fireworks show. That fraudulent charge on my account was for $1.24 and I probably made the charge myself and simply couldn’t remember what it was for. It’s important to think that there are always two sides to everything and you can decide whether you will be glass half full or glass half empty. I choose to be the glass half full guy……until the Doctor calls and tells me I have mono.