As I write this post, I am laying in my bed, running a 102 degree fever. I haven’t received official word back from the doctor’s office but the possibilities aren’t looking good for me. It got me wondering, what did I do to Karma and why did Karma decide to pound me? Because I am such a Saintly person (you can read that in any bathroom stall – totally true) I have been trying to figure out, what’s different lately? It’s the blog isn’t it Karma?
Let’s go back to last week…when my driveway starting erupting from the broken city water line.
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Okay, so that’s not cool but sometimes things just happen right? Karma got better thangs to do than follow every move I make (finger’s crossed).
So the holiday weekend descends upon us – 3 days of sun, fun, barbecuing and all around awesomeness. Except that it starts to rain and it continues off and on for the next 3 days (coincidence? Karma – you devilish trickster!! Ha!….you got me!) So swimming is out probably so is the BBQ but that’s all-right – I am totally a glass is half full kind of person. We decide to head out to the racetrack to see the horses run because after the last race they are going to shoot off some fireworks.
If your going to the racetrack, you need some pocket money (at least I do). So I head out in the rain to the ATM where I get a message like this from the screen –
There seems to have been some fraudulent use on this account. We are still going to give you the funds you have requested but please call the following number immediately
What? Okay, first off, if they think there’s monkey business going on with my account, DON”T KEEP HANDING OUT MY MONEY!!!!
So I call the number and I am sure that I am connected to the dumbest person of all time person. The first part of conversation went like this:
DPOAT (Dumbest person of all time): hi, thanks for calling, how may I help you? Me: I got a message about fraudulent use on my account and was given this number to call. DPOAT: And what is your name? Me: Robert Borson. DPOAT: What was the fraudulent use sir? Me: I don’t know, I’m just calling after getting the message that I need to call. And the machine didn’t give me back my card. DPOAT: I see, what is your name please? Me: huh? Robert Borson, I just told you that DPOAT: Okay, what is the number on your card? Me: I don’t know, I don’t have my card! DPOAT: Where did you last leave it? Me: You are kidding me right? The machine took it..
It went on and on like this but I’ll throw up if I have to relive it again. So, I am a little wound up when I get home and I walk in the front door and both my wife and my mother-in-law look at me an tell me to go look in the backyard. Why? Did a crate of gold bullion fall from the sky on it’s way to South America? No, not even close…
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So a giant ass tree branch fell in my yard and NOT a box of gold bullion. Great. Okay half full guy – what do you think of that? Ha-ha! I’m going to say at least the branch didn’t actually fall on anything other than grass. It literally fell right in between all sorts of stuff with value – fence, roof of garage, air conditioning compressor. And nothing other than the yard and me is worse for the wear because I can tell you that I am not looking forward to clearing that tree out – it involves real work and sweat – two things I loathe if I’m being honest. But we will just have to deal with this later because the nights festivities are about to start!
Surprisingly, despite some rain delays, we got our races in and the rain took a break long enough to get the fireworks show in. I have won every single time I have been to the races – e v e r y t i m e. Uh-no, not this time but okay, as glass half full guy, I didn’t lose more than I was willing to and everyone (Michelle, Kate and Grandma) had a lot of fun. There was a petting zoo and pony rides for Kate, and beer with 8lb plates of nachos for the rest of us.
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So it’s now Sunday and my back starts to hurt. Not really sure why, I haven’t done anything, certainly nothing that would cause the sort of pain that I am starting to feel. Sort of a deep, aching pain in my bones – not my muscles – this is bone pain. And it hurts a lot. Come Monday, I can’t really move and other symptoms start showing up, I can tell this is going to be a doosey.
As I become more and more incapacitated, I am grateful that my mother-in-law is here. Not only is she a fantastic person that my daughter Kate simply loves and adores, but when she comes to visit, she really helps out. With me being sick (and I am a huge crabby baby when I get sick), Grandma came in and really helped both Michelle and I.
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So I go see the doctor and tell her about all my aches and pains. The doctor looked down my throat and literally said “yeaaargghh – that is seriously nasty”. She orders waaaay too many vials of my precious life force (talking about blood people), Chest X-rays, throat swabs – everything.
So yes Karma, you made me horrifically sick but yet you sent someone here to help out and now that I have a note from the Doctor’s office that I am in fact really sick, I am completely justified in hiring someone else to clean out the branch out back – Haha! I was walking outside my front door and almost walked into this……..
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Simply amazing. And glass half full guy says – Mr. Deadly spider with stab-ey spikes around the edges has a smiley face on his back…awwwwww.
So Karma isn’t mad at me at all. Sure I got sick but I didn’t have to cut up the tree. It rained over the holiday weekend but stopped long enough for us to enjoy our trip to the race track and see a great fireworks show. That fraudulent charge on my account was for $1.24 and I probably made the charge myself and simply couldn’t remember what it was for. It’s important to think that there are always two sides to everything and you can decide whether you will be glass half full or glass half empty. I choose to be the glass half full guy……until the Doctor calls and tells me I have mono.
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Oh, architects get sick too? :O
Ok, just kidding.
Get well soon 🙂
Jeepers, how can I send an email when it took me about 8 tries, with your help, to find the comments. They really had disappeared. The post about tubs was here, not comments. Anyone else back me up?
As to the editor sensibilities, there are only a few that make me squirm. All others I leave alone.
Have a good day. Feel well. Be a good person. Do good in the world. Well, that about does it.
Ha ha! Oh dear. Well, there might have been some smashing if I'd been the one that nearly walked into it.
The spider Rorschach test — I'm doomed. But at least I'm not alone.
If spelling errors and bad grammar drive your editor sensibilities crazy, you might be in for quite a ride because I just make things up as I go – but at least it’s documented and I am on record as knowing about it.
http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com/so-sorry-its-a…
Your support means a lot as I move through the program so let me take this opportunity to thank you for pointing out some of examples of my disease in such a public forum. I welcome every single note and edit on my inabilities and inadequacies (but next time let’s do it through an email…yeah?)
Awesome!!
Everyone check out http://funandfit.org I thought it was a website full of real information delivered very cleverly.
I didn't want to go all spider nerd on you and ID it as a crab spider but you trumped me by tracking down the species. Bravo! As a side note, orb weavers are always harmless to people although enticing a really big one to bite you wouldn't be very fun. It's the ground dwellers and ambush hunters you have to worry about. Even then, none of them will come hunt you down.
Kelly,
It is so weird that you said it sorta looked like Jason – I never saw that but a bunch of other people have mentioned it to me.
Wonder what type of glass person that makes you? The “I smash it over your head” type? Have a great day…please.
I wondered which Arachnologist would come forward first and identify Mr. Death-Spider. If I don’t count direct-to-me emails, you sort of win (and why doesn’t that surprise me?)
When I almost planted my face into that web, the very first thing I did (as a responsible parent) was look that spider up and determine if it was okay for me to leave it in place. It is a Gasteracantha cancriformis or more simply – the Smiley Face Crab Spider. We are going to try and make sure it lives peacefully until she is able to reproduce anywhere from 100 to 260 baby spider. That would make for a cool picture.
Thanks Brian,
I appreciate the high praise from someone I consider to have excellent writing skills. And Yes, Robert is in fact my real name but everyone calls me Bob – although quite a few call me Dr. Bob but I don’t know where that came from or how it started – but it’s better than ‘dumbass’.
Now I know why you didn't call me back about lunch.
Hi Bob: You have a great sense of humor. I think you have good karma because those trees can do a lot of damage and yours didn't. We spent almost $2000 dealing with a fallen tree in our Oregon back yard, and that is not an expensive state!
As a fitnessy, health person, I am glad you are getting your back checked. That again shows you have good karma (or smarts) to have it professionally evaluated.
PS. You can't “lay in bed.” You can “lie in bed” or “lay something on the bed.” One of my secret lives is as an editor. TTFN as Tigger would say.
Orb-weaving spiders always make my day too. Feel better!
Well, this tale ranks pretty high on the International Suckfest Scale (it's metric with no imperial equivalent) but kudos to you for staying with optimism. In my opinion it's the only way to be!
Get well soon and keep your stream of entertaining posts going.
Cheers,
Mike
Wow…I enjoy all your post. I enjoy them a lot, but this one really made me chuckle. I had to stop for chortling several times. The dialogue was fantastic. I am sorry to hear you feel so poorly. I love it that you turned the pain into a great post though. All the great writers turn their adversity into cleverly crafted tales, so I am not surprised.
Well done Robert…if that is, in fact, your name….
oh and I agree with Kelly…love the Spider!
Dont fret! Equilibre universelle will get you back on track!! bisous
It's odd to feel sympathy and humor at the same time, just saying. The spider is cute (in that sort of Jason hockey mask kind of way…wait. Now that's karma!)
Hope you kick it on its butt and get back on your feet.