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Leave your message at the tone

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Switchboard from Seattle Municipal Archives

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They all start out the same:

“You have reached the desk of [your name here] but but unfortunately I am either on the phone or currently away from my desk. Your call is very important to me so please leave your name, number and a brief message and I will return the call as soon as possible.”

but please pay attention as some menu items may have changed:

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… for bill collections, please hang up and try your call again later

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… for design related questions, please dial 1#

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… for technical questions regarding your project, please press 2#

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… for the modern design department, please don’t press anything

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… for angst, please press 8# (and ask for Jody)

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… if you would like to schedule an appointment to discuss a new project, please press: I’llmeetyouanytimeorplace#

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… if are thinking about hiring an architect and want to know how much plans cost, please press: notthatsimple#

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… if you would like to speak to the boss, please press: callmywife#

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… if you are calling to speak to the owner of the business, please press: bigboxbanklineofcredit#

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… if you’re calling to inquire about hiring us to draw the plans that you’ve already figured out, please press: killmenow#

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… if you are calling to remit payment on a past due invoice, please press: thanksIcannowpaytherent#

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… if you are a past client calling to inquire how to change light bulb, please press: callthecontractor#

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… if you are a contractor looking to get on our bid list, please press: probablynotgoingtohappenthisway#

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… if you are a recent graduate from architecture school looking for work, please press: thingsaregettingbetter#

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… if you are calling to get a copy of the drawings to a house we already designed so you can build one just like it, please press: wedon’tdothathere#

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… if you are a vendor and would like to show us the latest and greatest product, please press: showupwithsnackstoimproveyourchances#

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… if you are calling for the model shop, please press: Iwassupposedtobeoutofherebynow#

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… if you are calling because it’s 8:00pm and my dinner is getting cold, please press: justonemorehour#

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… if you are calling from the zoning department, please press: 1#3#1#8#5#5#5#2#1#4#2#5#4#9#6#8#8#5#2#3#4#2#2

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even better stuff from Life of an Architect

  • aMa Architecture Inc

    All zoning departments seem to have the same issue, unless your project is in a very small town.

  • Kamau Munderu

    lol

  • Katie

    Awesome…just awesome! 🙂

  • I like #8 the best. And the part about #CallMyWife. Yup.

  • cindyMorgan

    Such a great post about residential architect service Georgia. Keep on posting!

  • Not sure if I just peed my pants laughing at “Press #8 for Jody” or the fact that you acknowledge that the woman is ALWAYS the boss! Dude, you are rip-roaring today. You forgot to put, “If you’re calling because you think the architect is cute, please don’t press anything, just leave a note in the men’s room.”

  • architectrunnerguy

    Will everyone PLEASE take a look at that Roladex in the photo? Looks like it’s attached to an automobile steering wheel. If it fell over it would kill somebody.

    Doug

    • Felicia

      most people these days don’t know what a rolodex is!!:)

    • I used to have a Roladex but I just taped business cards to the tabs. Nowadays, I have a 3-ring binder with plastic sleeves where all my business cards go. You may be thinking – so what? The only thing that makes that sorta cool is that it is a history of sorts of my career. The different sorts of cards, styles, even my own cards from the various places I’ve worked. I keep thinking that one day that this binder of business cards would make for an interesting post … then I realize that it wouldn’t be interesting to anyone but me.

      Cheers

      • Paul J. Michell

        The last Rolodex I owned dated from when I bartended my way through college and it had every alcoholic concoction known to humankind listed in it. Perhaps it could be more useful now than then.

  • TALV58

    Great post Bob. Really like the check with boss and I’ve done the – won’t be much longer but don’t wait dinner. She loves that one and knows what that means. Better now since I can just text her!

  • Jane

    I remember the first ever answering machine message that I heard (yes i am old) It was from my first landloard after Michael and I got married. The message was “This is Paul, I may be in and I may be out but you won’t know unless you leave a message – so JUST DO IT”

    Many people would refuse to leave messages back then.

  • Now I know I should show up with popcorn!  You should hear some of the automated machines I have heard throughout the years…(it’s a blog onto itself).

    • it’s always about the snacks if you want an audience. We feel to guilty to eat the goodies without listening (or at least pretending to listen…)

  • Nick Lovelady

    Vendors with snacks is my favorite… I’ll listen to some sad stories as long as someone brings me some Krispy Kreme!

    • We never get donuts which is okay because nobody here would eat them. Muffins and cupcakes on the other hand….

      • Felicia

        or breakfast tacos…

        • I think I am starting a new company: Websites for Architects and Breakfast Tacos.  Thanks Felicia!  No Donuts though, I only do spicy.  Also, no sad stories…that does not sound like a fun time…

          • in this part of the country, breakfast tacos at any time of the day would probably be well received 🙂

  • Nice post – thanks for the laughs. Any telemarketers should be directed to 8# – and never to be heard from again.

    The best voicemail message I’ve ever heard (from a contractor) – no dialogue, just the fading sound of distant footsteps on a hardwood floor…and then the door shuts….BEEEP! He was an efficient contractor!

    • very efficient!

      I’d be that person whose message sounds like this:
      “hello? …. hellooo. Hello? I don’t think he’s coming back…”

  • 8#
    pfft… like he’ll answer

    • uhm… he doesn’t work here any more. You might be able to find him down the street at the coffee house

  • Very funny Bob. My wife knows that justonemorehour# really means 2!

    • or 4

      • Ted

        My family always assumed the you doubled the units, then converted to next largest unit: the tell me that 5 minutes often translated to 10 hours.

  • Very funny Bob, great post.  Favorite is “… if you are calling to get a copy of the drawings to a house we already
    designed so you can build one just like it, please press:
    wedon’tdothathere#”  Happens to us 🙂 

    • luckily it doesn’t happen as often as it used to, we get more along the lines of ‘I’ve already figured everything out and I just need someone to draw it”.

      We always like to try and help people but if all you need is a CAD service, there are better options available out there.

      • Jeremiah

        Helping a client realize that “no, you haven’t got it all figured out” is the first step on their road to recovery. CAD service bad, Architect service gooooooood. 🙂

  • Jeremiah

    ahahaha! Damn, I needed that this morning! 🙂

    • glad I could get things kicked off right for you

      cheers

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The complimentary advice provided on ‘Life of an Architect’ is based on an abbreviated examination of the minimal facts given, not the typical extensive (and sometimes exhaustive) analysis I conduct when working with my clients. Therefore, anything you read on this site is not a substitute for actually working with me. Following my casual advice is at your own peril … if you want my undivided attention, I would recommend hiring me. Cheers.

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