Dominion and Empathy

On July 10, 2010, in Life in General, by Bob Borson

Life of an Architect…this is a life day.

Cleo

It’s early Saturday morning, and by early I mean 5:45 am, and I am sitting in the kitchen eating a bowl of cereal because I am trying to be a nice guy. But why am I up now and why should anyone care?

I am up because one of our dogs, Cleo, is 14 years old (which is probably 2 years older than she should be) and she has become blind, deaf and senile. Cleo will scratch at the door to be let out until there isn’t any door left to scratch. You will get up, let her out and she will walk directly to the back door and scratch until you let her back in. You will get up, let her in and she will walk directly back to the other door and scratch to be let out.

Repeat.

But….if you get up and sit in the kitchen, she will join you, laying on the floor very happily by your feet. Surprisingly she still seems very happy and every day there is at least one moment where she seems exceedingly happy. Most of those days that moment comes when our 1 year old dog Ritzy is let out of her crate (she’s too small to leave in the yard all day) and Cleo and she can be with one another. My daughter chose Ritzy specifically because she looked exactly like Cleo. I have no doubt that Ritzy is extending Cleo’s life, it is one of the more amazing things I have seen.

Ritzy

Cleo has been a great dog for me and my family and I will continue to get up at 5:45 in morning and go sit in the kitchen for as long as she wants – she deserves that. I have been fearing the day that we will become a 1 dog family again.

I am reminded of a passage in the book Dominion, written by Matthew Scully:

‘Animals are more than ever a test of our character, of mankind’s capacity for empathy and for decent, honorable conduct and faithful stewardship. We are called to treat them with kindness, not because they have rights or power or some claim to equality, but in a sense because they don’t; because they all stand unequal and powerless before us’

Today is also my daughter Kate’s 6th birthday and to say she is excited is an understatement. Turning 6 represents in her mind that she is no longer a little kid. Being 6 years old represents 1st grade - which means you aren’t the youngest kid in school; that is an honor reserved for the kindergartners. It is quite possible that Kate was literally the youngest person at her school last year so I can see why this is a big deal to her. Me? I’m really most happy because she brought home an award from camp yesterday for “Friendliest Camper”. I know several of you have met her and that’s probably not a surprise. I am proud of her and the way she goes out of her way to try and make friends with people, to include them at times knowingly to her own detriment. Empathy is a character trait my daughter has shown from the beginning and it has translated into her being a beautiful person.

Kate Borson - Happy 6th Birthday

Empathy, man’s dominion over animals, and cereal on an early Saturday morning. I hope everyone has a great weekend, I’ve got to go mow the grass.

About the author

Bob Borson

Dallas architect who specializes in modern design. I'm AIA, Leed AP, NCARB certified, and previous Dallas AIA Young Architect of the Year (2009).

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Tagged with: a day in the life • bob borson

http://homepathproducts.blogspot.com/ Mike Hines

Bob,

Another fine post…and far too many thoughts/experiences running through my head to leave in this comment box…but here is where it all ends up – at some point I will make my way to TX. The trip will be worthwhile for no other reason than to shake your hand, say thanks, and encourage you to press on. Leaving the world in better shape than how you found it is the noblest of goals and you're out there doing it every day! Right on!

Best to Cleo and Ritzy…and happy birthday to Kate!
http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson

Rich,

Got to confess this was a weird post to write for me. Normally I know what I am going to write about and you know that I stopped posting on the weekends. This one just came out nice and easy which if my life was interesting enough, this blog would simply be my diary and it would be called Life of Bob (Hmmm.. I kinda like that sound of that).

I know there are people just like me in the exact situation and it is sad and happy at the same time, sometimes it’s nice to be sad and happy at the same time.
http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson

Cyra,

That is some real dedication. I normally wouldn’t describe myself as a dog person, rather someone who has dogs. I am finding myself becoming more and more forgiving of Cleo driving me crazy because all I can think about is how much I know she loves us. That’s probably why that Matthew Scully book popped into my head as I was sitting at the table exhausted. Sounds sapping but hearing how you dealt with your dog when things got tough tells me I am not alone.

Thanks for sharing.
Pam

Thank you for sharing Cleo, Ritzy and your beautiful daughter Kate. You are a lucky man and I'm sure you know that! Relish these moments as they go buy quicker than you think. I know, because my oldest turns 34 tomorrow.

Happy Birthday Kate! Take care of your daddy!
Lori Jablons

Bob, what a beautiful way to start the weekend. We have two dogs as well, and I wouldn't trade being a two-dog family for anything, including being able to sleep late. Happy birthday to Kate, who sounds like an amazing young lady. Keep up the good work on the home front!
cyraduquella

Your dogs are beautiful! I was blessed with an Aussie that lived to be 15 and the last 9 months of his life were a struggle for both of us. He lost the use of his hind legs and I carried his back end around for him – he wouldn't use a cart. He couldn't make it upstairs to my bedroom anymore so I slept on the living room floor on an air mattress with him beside me. I still miss him so and would do everything I could for him all over again.

Happy birthday to Kate – tell her I love her taste in tile!
http://twitter.com/concretedetail Richard Holschuh

Bob
Awesome post – to be open with one's humanity by sharing your closest worlds – your aging faithful dog and your beautiful growing daughter – have to hand it to you, dude!
You cut very close to the heart and I commend you for sharing with us, your loyal readership and the benefactors of your generosity. One of those moments of connection just occurred…
Rich
http://twitter.com/ExtremelyAvg Brian Meeks

The 'Friendliest Camper' is the best award EVER. That was such a wonderful post. I definitely give it a thumbs up. I would give it two…or three, if I could.
bobborson

Thanks Mike,

You come to town, I'll provide the beer and barbeque. I'll be looking forward to that day – friends, beer and barbeque can't be beat. Well, unless it's winter, you don't drink, and you're a vegetarian! In that case we'll have to work something else out, I'm pretty flexible and like having people over.
bobborson

Thanks Lori, I appreciate it. I hope you have a great weekend and I'll eat a piece of ice cream cake for you (it's the least I can do…)
bobborson

Wow congratulations on 34. How much younger is the youngest?

I don't even want to think about Kate starting 1st grade and time is already going by so fast.

Have a great weekend!
Kim Obele

Beautiful dog and beautiful daughter, you are a lucky guy.
bobborson

Thanks Kim, I feel really lucky (knocking on wood). I am also glad you took time to comment – although I'm not surpeised it was a post written on animals that drew you in. You still riding horses at work these days? I know people who would like to have your job (at least some aspects of it).
Kim Obele

I read the chicken post, too! I still ride in the mountains for work, but not as much as would like to. I love the job, despite the government bureaucracy, and would never ever consider going back to accounting (which brought me 0% satisfaction for a decade). I guess this is related to your most recent post about careers. No amount of anything could make me “like” my previous career!
Jackie Searl

A friend suggested that I read your wonderful dog story Dominion & Empathy…our precious Albert English Bulldawg who was a rescue some nine years ago joined our family and just two days prior to his 11th year took his journey towards Raindow Bridge…Know about sitting in the kitchen and watching him eat or just being there those last days…wish I could do that all over again and stall time from moving forward, but not to be and we move forward as Albert knew we would. We have Clyde who is another rescue bullie that came to join our family two years after Albert…Clyde was seven this past Monday. He is a little lost without his buddy Albert…goes looking for him outside and in but is blessed to be my assistant caregiver for my 90 year old father-in-law that resides with us…Clyde's job is to sit with “Searl” while he eats and to alert me to anything out of the norm…my husband and I would often say when the times comes we know we will be come one critter for a while then must bring another into the home and this too will happen. Thank you so much for sharing and reminding us all just how special our animals are and how much pure, simple joy and love they bring into our lives each day in their own way. Today while sweeping around a rather large clump of Albert's hair was behing a table…he was all white and 70 pounds…lots of white hair remains all through our home and so Albert still remains with us in his own special way
bobborson

Thank you for sharing Jackie. I feel your pain and I have a feeling that my days with Cleo are numbered so hearing other people talk about the good times with their doggie buddies while enduring their own suffering let;s me know that eventually everything will be okay.

My email is bob@lifeofanarchitect – send me a picture if you can, I'd love to see Albert and Clyde.
Jackie Searl

Bob, I hope you received my email back to you. I sent it to the above email address and added .com
Hope that was correct.
Peter

I was moved by your Dominion & Empathy posting. For another ‘loving/being loved’ blog spot about a dog visit Joe Scalzi’s blog ‘Whatever’ where he talks about his life with Kodi, an akita.
Mike

Bob, thanks for the great post. It really touched me as I can very much relate. Almost a year ago, in just a few weeks, my grandmother passed away and she asked us to take care of her sick and aging pup Tyler. We already had two of our own, a toy fox terrier (Lucky) and a sheltie (Lilly), each with their own issues. Lilly had a bad a heart and was only expected to live at most a few more months. A month later my parents woke in the middle of the night as she was struggling to breath and so knew it was time, she was 10. Lucky has certainly missed her, and still searches the house over looking for her. Fortunately, Tyler has kept him company. With both my sister and I at college, it’s been like having two newborns again for my parents. My dad wakes up at 3:30 to let them out, and they have him up again at 6. Tyler is blind, deaf, and diabetic but he is not suffering so my father keeps his promise to his mother and continues to love and take care of him. I just returned home for the first time in 11 months and it is so strange for me. My little girl was not here to greet me and give me her loving Lilly hugs… The pictures of your dogs remind me so much of her. Now I’m all teared up as I finish writing this… What Matt Scully wrote is so true. It makes me proud and sad all at once to see how well my parents are able to deal with the daily troubles the willingly take on. As for Lucky, he will be 16 years old, yes SIXTEEN in 2 months but he just keeps ticking. I hope your Cleo is still doing well and you continue to cherish the happy days you share with her as well as Ritzy!
Anonymous

Thanks for taking the time to share Mike. Despite my typical foolishness, this post and the responses I get from people like yourself are very rewarding.

Thanks for reading, have a Happy New Year
Msandipanda

Hi Bob,

I too was drawn in by Cleo’s adorable face. Well, that and the fact that my brother is also an architect. But mainly it was Cleo. I also, with all the others who left comments, have had sooo many doggie members of our family pass on to heaven. I have read ‘A Dog’s Purpose’ and while it was a really good book, I don’t believe in re-incarnation for people or animals. I do, however, believe in heaven and I know that there are horses and lions in heaven, so therefore to me, it stands to reason that there will be dogs also. It is almost unbearable to believe that I will never see any of our faithful, loving companions again. We have usually had blood-line black Labrador Retrievers except for the stray that came up right before Christmas of the year we moved. We already had 2 Labs we were moving and wondered what to do with this new stray, so I put an ad in the local paper but no one claimed her. Then, she started to gain weight – a LOT of weight. We had only had males prior to her, but even I could figure it out pretty soon – she was pregnant. Two weeks before we were to move, she delivered 14 black puppies. That was alot of dogs to try to give away before we could move. So we kept the mother, the father (our full blooded Lab) and the runt. The rest I managed to give away to what I believed to be good homes. We had been in our new home for bout 6 months and we lost our Lab, the father. That was really hard as we had him for 12 years and he was our baby. But we got through that. We buried him by the river in his favorite blanket. More time passes and we moved again to our permanent home that we live in now. The mother started to really show her age and finally got to where she couldn’t even make it down the ramp to go do her business. So we cooked her breakfast consisting of all her favorite foods, which she ate and then threw up. She painfully made her way over to me, laid down with her head in my lap and just looked at me with those eyes and I cried like a baby as we knew we had to do the responsible thing and have her put down. She had a fast growing tumor that hastened her demise. So we took her down to the end of our lot, just before where the marshes start and buried her. So now we are down to our very last baby (the runt). She is now 11 years old and also starting to show the same signs of impeding death. We are just trying to make her last days comfortable as possible. We agree that she nor any of our dogs, deserve any less than the best we can do as their family. So, well written, Bob. Just thought I would sign in with a condensed version of my story.

All the best to you and yours
http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson

Thank you for sharing your story – you have been through this a few times. Cleo is our first dog and my wife and I are struggling with the idea of putting her down. While she seems to struggle with almost everything, she clearly looks for our little dog (who is now over a year old) and she seems spritely – if only for a few moments.

Yes, I am a coward and I am looking for true suffering to aid me in my decision – not just inconvenience. I think I will spend some extra time with Cleo when I get home tonight.