Switchboard from Seattle Municipal Archives

Leave your message at the tone

On October 11, 2011, in Life in General, by Bob Borson

Switchboard from Seattle Municipal Archives

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They all start out the same:

“You have reached the desk of [your name here] but but unfortunately I am either on the phone or currently away from my desk. Your call is very important to me so please leave your name, number and a brief message and I will return the call as soon as possible.”

but please pay attention as some menu items may have changed:

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… for bill collections, please hang up and try your call again later

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… for design related questions, please dial 1#

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… for technical questions regarding your project, please press 2#

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… for the modern design department, please don’t press anything

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… for angst, please press 8# (and ask for Jody)

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… if you would like to schedule an appointment to discuss a new project, please press: I’llmeetyouanytimeorplace#

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… if are thinking about hiring an architect and want to know how much plans cost, please press: notthatsimple#

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… if you would like to speak to the boss, please press: callmywife#

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… if you are calling to speak to the owner of the business, please press: bigboxbanklineofcredit#

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… if you’re calling to inquire about hiring us to draw the plans that you’ve already figured out, please press: killmeknow#

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… if you are calling to remit payment on a past due invoice, please press: thanksIcannowpaytherent#

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… if you are a past client calling to inquire how to change light bulb, please press: callthecontractor#

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… if you are a contractor looking to get on our bid list, please press: probablynotgoingtohappenthisway#

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… if you are a recent graduate from architecture school looking for work, please press: thingsaregettingbetter#

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… if you are calling to get a copy of the drawings to a house we already designed so you can build one just like it, please press: wedon’tdothathere#

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… if you are a vendor and would like to show us the latest and greatest product, please press: showupwithsnackstoimproveyourchances#

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… if you are calling for the model shop, please press: Iwassupposedtobeoutofherebynow#

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… if you are calling because it’s 8:00pm and my dinner is getting cold, please press: justonemorehour#

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… if you are calling from the zoning department, please press: 1#3#1#8#5#5#5#2#1#4#2#5#4#9#6#8#8#5#2#3#4#2#2

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About the author

Bob Borson

Dallas architect who specializes in modern design. I'm AIA, Leed AP, NCARB certified, and previous Dallas AIA Young Architect of the Year (2009).

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  • Jeremiah

    ahahaha! Damn, I needed that this morning! :)

  • http://twitter.com/VTWorks Vermont Timber Works

    Very funny Bob, great post.  Favorite is “… if you are calling to get a copy of the drawings to a house we already
    designed so you can build one just like it, please press:
    wedon’tdothathere#”  Happens to us :)  

  • http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson

    glad I could get things kicked off right for you

    cheers

  • http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson

    luckily it doesn’t happen as often as it used to, we get more along the lines of ‘I’ve already figured everything out and I just need someone to draw it”.

    We always like to try and help people but if all you need is a CAD service, there are better options available out there.

  • Jeremiah

    Helping a client realize that “no, you haven’t got it all figured out” is the first step on their road to recovery. CAD service bad, Architect service gooooooood. :)

  • http://twitter.com/CornerstoneArc Cornerstone Arch Grp

    Very funny Bob. My wife knows that justonemorehour# really means 2!

  • http://www.coffeewithanarchitect.com Jody Brown

    8#
    pfft… like he’ll answer

  • Anonymous

    Nice post – thanks for the laughs. Any telemarketers should be directed to 8# – and never to be heard from again.

    The best voicemail message I’ve ever heard (from a contractor) – no dialogue, just the fading sound of distant footsteps on a hardwood floor…and then the door shuts….BEEEP! He was an efficient contractor!

  • http://twitter.com/cupboards Nick @ Cupboards

    Vendors with snacks is my favorite… I’ll listen to some sad stories as long as someone brings me some Krispy Kreme!

  • http://canright.net Jessie

    Now I know I should show up with popcorn!  You should hear some of the automated machines I have heard throughout the years…(it’s a blog onto itself).

  • http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson

    or 4

  • http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson

    uhm… he doesn’t work here any more. You might be able to find him down the street at the coffee house

  • http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson

    very efficient!

    I’d be that person whose message sounds like this:
    “hello? …. hellooo. Hello? I don’t think he’s coming back…”

  • http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson

    We never get donuts which is okay because nobody here would eat them. Muffins and cupcakes on the other hand….

  • http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson

    it’s always about the snacks if you want an audience. We feel to guilty to eat the goodies without listening (or at least pretending to listen…)

  • Jane

    I remember the first ever answering machine message that I heard (yes i am old) It was from my first landloard after Michael and I got married. The message was “This is Paul, I may be in and I may be out but you won’t know unless you leave a message – so JUST DO IT”

    Many people would refuse to leave messages back then.

  • http://twitter.com/TALV58 Todd Vendituoli

    Great post Bob. Really like the check with boss and I’ve done the – won’t be much longer but don’t wait dinner. She loves that one and knows what that means. Better now since I can just text her!

  • Anonymous

    Will everyone PLEASE take a look at that Roladex in the photo? Looks like it’s attached to an automobile steering wheel. If it fell over it would kill somebody.

    Doug

  • http://twitter.com/Alexandrafunfit Alexandra Williams

    Not sure if I just peed my pants laughing at “Press #8 for Jody” or the fact that you acknowledge that the woman is ALWAYS the boss! Dude, you are rip-roaring today. You forgot to put, “If you’re calling because you think the architect is cute, please don’t press anything, just leave a note in the men’s room.”

  • Felicia

    most people these days don’t know what a rolodex is!!:)

  • Felicia

    or breakfast tacos…

  • http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson

    I used to have a Roladex but I just taped business cards to the tabs. Nowadays, I have a 3-ring binder with plastic sleeves where all my business cards go. You may be thinking – so what? The only thing that makes that sorta cool is that it is a history of sorts of my career. The different sorts of cards, styles, even my own cards from the various places I’ve worked. I keep thinking that one day that this binder of business cards would make for an interesting post … then I realize that it wouldn’t be interesting to anyone but me.

    Cheers

  • http://canright.net Jessie

    I think I am starting a new company: Websites for Architects and Breakfast Tacos.  Thanks Felicia!  No Donuts though, I only do spicy.  Also, no sad stories…that does not sound like a fun time…

  • http://www.lifeofanarchitect.com Bob Borson

    in this part of the country, breakfast tacos at any time of the day would probably be well received :)

  • Ted

    My family always assumed the you doubled the units, then converted to next largest unit: the tell me that 5 minutes often translated to 10 hours.

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